IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should invest more money in teaching science than in other subjects for a country development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is concurred by many that, governments should devote additional funds to
science
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 and technology to develop the nation.
However
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, some believe other
subjects
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 have equal importance.I greatly agree with the first statement ,
science
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 is an integral part of any
country
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's development and it has improved the life of each and every person in various aspects.I will discuss both viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason for
this
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 view is that scientific teaching teaches us critical thinking.
Science
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 is based on the facts and numerous research that have been done in order to answer the questions.
Science
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 is not based on myths or superstitions,without it, people would have believed in the myths or tales of old ignorant ancestors.
Furthermore
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,
that is
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 the reason development requires
science
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 .To epitomize, it has been proven several times that people who follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
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myths and superstitions are mostly illiterate
as well as
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 not
a
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apply
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critical
thinker
Fix the agreement mistake
thinkers
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.
Thus
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, more funding
to
Change preposition
for
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science
Use synonyms
 will help the development of a
country
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.
On the contrary
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, of
course
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course,
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 there are other
subjects
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 that students need to learn ,without them, they wo not be able to perform well in life.
Science
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 helps to explain the world but to live in the world we need help from other
subjects
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 as well.
In addition
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, without
art
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, literature &commerce we won't be able to understand each other, these
subjects
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 are important for the necessity of life.An advanced society requires both
science
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 and
art
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 to progress the nation.
For instance
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, France is a
country
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 basically on
art
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 and literature and it is one of the most developed countries in the world.
As a result
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, both
science
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 and
art
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 go hand in hand to increase the productivity and growth of a
country
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. In conclusion, having mulled over the aforementioned paragraph
it is clear that
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,
science
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 helps nations to think clearly and make decisions based on evidence
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 on old tales. Without
the
Correct article usage
a
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 basic understanding of
science
Use synonyms
, it would be a much worse place to live in.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, distinct from one another, and encapsulate the main theme of the essay effectively. Aligning these elements will significantly enhance the logical flow of information.
Logical Structure
Organize your essay with a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and subsequent sentences should support it. Transitions between paragraphs must flow naturally. Consider using topic sentences and cohesive devices more effectively.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. Avoid general statements and strive to provide evidence or scenarios that directly support your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and insightful.
Complete Response
Address all parts of the task directly and make your position clear throughout the essay. Develop your arguments comprehensively, showing a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Express your ideas clearly and develop them with detailed explanations, examples, and arguments. Refrain from using overly complex language if simpler language can convey the same meaning effectively. Clarity is key.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use specific examples to underpin your arguments, enhancing their relevance to the topic. Make sure these examples are directly linked to the question being asked and that they are discussed in depth.
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