IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #students #grades #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These two graphs compare students
according to
 the highest
grades
 in the
years
 1960 and 2000. The charts describe separately the
men
 and the
women
, and their marks in five different objects -
science
,
arts
,
maths
, languages and humanities. The
men
 had higher
grades
 in
science
 and
maths
 in 1960 compared to 2000. In
arts
 and
humanities
Add a comma
humanities,
show examples
 the
men
 were better in the year 2000. They got the same marks in
both
years
. In the
women
Add a comma
women,
show examples
 the situation was completely different. They were assessed by higher
grades
 in
arts
, languages and humanities in the year 1960.
On the other hand
, they got lower
grades
 in
science
, and the same grade in
maths
. Generally speaking, the
women
 were assessed with better
grades
 in 1960;
science
 and
maths
 were not preferred objects. In the group of
men
Add a comma
men,
show examples
 there were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constant changes in the height of
grades
, the lowest grade they got in
arts
 in 1960.
To conclude
, only languages in
men
 and
maths
 in
women
 were assessed by the same
grades
 in
both
years
,
while
 in the other
subjects
Add a comma
subjects,
show examples
 there were many changes during
both
years
 in
both
 sexes.
Submitted by jana.smalcova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words grades, years, men, women, science, arts, maths, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • top grades
  • achievement
  • gender disparity
  • educational trends
  • academic performance
  • comparison
  • decade
  • educational policy
  • societal expectations
  • improvement
  • educational attainment
  • graduates
  • academic excellence
  • statistics
  • educational landscape
  • benchmark
  • parity
  • gender roles
  • historical data
  • performance indicators
  • educational improvements
  • longitudinal study
  • scholastic achievement
  • gender gap
What to do next:
Look at other essays: