These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Migration
is quite popular to
around the world, Change preposition
apply
as a result
, numerous families move to other nations due to
the
better employment opportunities. Correct article usage
apply
However
, some claim that the toddler who belongs to these families can obtain many advantages from its
Correct pronoun usage
it
while
others say that this
migration
can create hard
situation Add an article
a hard
the hard
to
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
infants
. This
essay shall discuss both the
viewpoints and I will give my opinion.
On the one hand, there are so many Correct article usage
apply
benefits
for children
move
to Wrong verb form
moving
the
other countries, especially the developed territories. A child can get the best education Correct article usage
apply
along with
the advanced laboratory facilities, as
a result, he will get Correct word choice
and as
the
better job position in future. Medical and education are free in developed nations, so, parents are moved there Correct article usage
a
while
their children
can live a better lifestyle in order to they are not able to face the poverty in their life.Fir
example, many Indian families Correct your spelling
For
are
moved to Canada for work Unnecessary verb
apply
while
they can
bring Wrong verb form
could
to
their Change preposition
apply
infants
along them
, Change preposition
with them
hence
, toddlers can get free education and medical as compared to their own nations. So, Children
get more benefits
from this
move.
On the other hand
, some toddlers can suffer these kinds of migration
, they cannot accept the new environment and need culture suddenly, consequence, they might be isolated from the
society. To be more precise, Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
infants
could be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
by
bullying, Change preposition
from
new
students especially Correct word choice
and new
the
other country students are mostly affected by bullying. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, America
students do bullying to other peers who Replace the word
American
came
from another territory. Moving to Wrong verb form
come
other country
may Change the wording
another country
other countries
be obtained
some mental problems for Wrong verb form
cause
infants
like depression and stress.
To conclude
, raising children
in foreign
land is difficult and they Add an article
a foreign
also
suffer many. However
, this
migration
brings more benefits
for children
. Therefore
, in my opinion about
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, certainly
toddlers can Rephrase
apply
be obtained
many Wrong verb form
obtain
benefits
from this
migration
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
Your essay attempts to discuss both views and gives a conclusion, which aligns with the prompt's requirements. However, the task response is somewhat limited because the examples provided are not fully developed or detailed. To achieve a higher score, ensure each paragraph effectively elaborates on the point being made with clear and specific examples that strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is evident, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a range of cohesive devices to aid the flow from one idea to another. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea with supporting sentences that are relevant and well-connected to the main topic.