IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cutures throughout the world.However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate it and turn their focus the science technology and business. why do you think this is ? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts.

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Art
Use synonyms
 gives meaning to our lives and
help
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helps
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 to understand the world.It is commonly believed that
art
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 plays
fundamental
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a fundamental
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 role in
soceity
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society
 as artists are able to express their thoughts and their culture in their work. Some argue that
people
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 should focus on their
acadamic
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academic
 subjects and others
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that students should concentrate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art
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. In my opinion,
children
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 should definitely learn
art
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 if someone
teach
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teaches
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
art
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. It will
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
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 for their
children
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. On the one hand,
art
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 is a precious gift which is given by God to
human
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humans
show examples
. Some
group
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groups
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 of
people
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 think that
art
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 should be
Correct article usage
a mandantory
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mandantory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 subject in the
eductaion
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education
 system.
Children
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 can
learns
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learn
show examples
 many things which is good for them.
Moreover
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, if
juvenile
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juveniles
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 should focus on
art
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then
Linking Words
 they can build their confidence and connect with more
people
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.
Art
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 is to help promote creativity and imagination
..
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.
...
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For instance
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, some
of
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apply
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children
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 do not have the linguistic capabilities to put their ideas into language and
thus
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 communicate directly. So they can express their feelings through the
art
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.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 need money
for living
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to live
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 a standard of life, so they are adding their interest
for
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in
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 technology.
Additionally
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, if they are getting good
job
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jobs
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then
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 it becomes life easier and
healthy
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apply
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a
way
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healthier way
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 of life. At the
last
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, technology science and business is the
highest paid
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highest-paid
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 job in the world.
That is
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 the reason
people
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 moving their interest into science. In conclusion, I believe that
people
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 earn more if they make a career in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science technology and business. These jobs are
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 paid throughout the world.
People
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 always preferred the huge salary for feeding the family.But if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
might be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
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should
Verb problem
might
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 be attracted
towads
Correct your spelling
to
 the arts.

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task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the task within your essay. While you discussed the role of art and the inclination towards science and technology, you only briefly touched upon ways to encourage interest in the arts, which was part of the task. Expand on this to fully meet the requirements.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall progression by organizing your ideas and arguments in a logical way. Transition sentences between paragraphs would also enhance the flow of information and improve the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. This adds depth to your argument and demonstrates a higher level of understanding of the topic. Avoid hypotheticals and strive for concrete examples that are directly related to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Revisit basic grammar structures and aim for accuracy in your sentences. Work on reducing repetitive structures and improving the variety of your sentence constructions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artistic appreciation
  • Practical skills
  • STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Job market
  • Viable career paths
  • Technological advancements
  • Public education
  • Cultural significance
  • Funding for the arts
  • Local art scenes
  • Interactive installations
  • Innovation
  • Corporate culture
What to do next:
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