IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff In your letter, you should tell: •what you heard about the inconvenience from the staffs •how you feel about it •what suggestion you can give

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Dear Mr. Jhon, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to request you to
setting
Change the verb form
set
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 up a canteen for the employees inside the company premises.
This
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 will help our staff to improve their productivity. In fact, I have received feedback from different employers, where all of them
describes
Correct subject-verb agreement
describe
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 the challenges, they are facing in the absence of
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
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 in the company.
Firstly
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, several
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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, those who are having their lunch outside,
complains
Change the verb form
complain
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 that they are losing their time to get lunch outside
hotel
Add an article
the hotel
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.
Moreover
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, hotel food is costly and unhealthy.
Secondly
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, if they get bored in the work environment, the cafeteria is necessary to get some refreshments and
hence
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 to stimulate their brain.
This
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 in
turns
Correct subject-verb agreement
turn
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associate
Wrong verb form
associated
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 the productivity. Other than the aforementioned staff feedback, another key point is constructing
canteen
Correct article usage
a canteen
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 in the company creates
win-win
Add an article
a win-win
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 situation.
According to
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me
Add a comma
me,
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 there could be
Correct article usage
a full
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full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
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 running cafeteria
along with
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 some vending
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 would be a nice option. I look forward to your prompt action
to
Change preposition
on
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this
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 matter. Yours Sincerely, Anil

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greeting and closing
Ensure that the opening and closing of the letter are appropriately formal and in line with the context of writing to your manager. Consider using 'Dear Mr. John,' with the correct spelling of the name, and a more formal sign-off such as 'Kind regards' or 'Yours faithfully'.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the request could be more polite and formal, considering the recipient is your manager. Instead of directly stating 'I am writing this letter to request you to setting up a canteen for the employees,' consider a softer approach such as 'I would like to propose the consideration of establishing a cafeteria for the staff.'
single idea per paragraph
Make sure that each paragraph presents a single, clear idea to maintain coherence. While the letter does touch upon different aspects related to the cafeteria, the ideas could be better organized and more clearly separated into individual paragraphs.
complete response
logical structure
While the structure of the letter is generally logical, it would benefit from more clear transitions between points. Additionally, the letter should be checked for errors in word choice, grammar, and spelling, such as 'restaurant' instead of 'canteen,' and 'employers' instead of 'employees'. This would improve the overall cohesion and logical flow of the writing.
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