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Writing Samples
Band 7

the bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in ine month in 2015.

the bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in ine month in 2015.
#bar #percentage #males #females #city #activities #ine #month
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The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women aged 18-20 in urban areas who had different activities in one month in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, It can be clearly seen that the highest proportion of
participation
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 in activity for males was
football
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, and the majority of
participation
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 in activity for
females
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 was cycling. In
addtion
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addition
, both males and
females
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 had at least
participation
Use synonyms
 in hockey.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the information in the bar chart indicates that men had the most
participation
Use synonyms
 in
football
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, at just slightly above 50%, followed by cycling represented 38%, basketball at just slightly above 30%, swimming at 20%, and
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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at least participated in hockey at around 12%.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 participated in cycling mostly at 40%, followed by swimming at around 35%,
football
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 at 15%, and basketball
just
Change preposition
at just
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 slightly above 10%.
Females
Use synonyms
 had minimal involvement in hockey at below 5%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the difference in
football
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participation
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 between males and
females
Use synonyms
 was around 35%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, football, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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