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Band 2.5

It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #management #positions #companies #salaries #employees #company #organization
The compensation or remuneration scheme in a company is usually built based on
Correct article usage
a person
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person
Change noun form
person's
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position
, workload, specific
skills
 and experiences. For senior
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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,
skills
 and experiences are critical criteria for
employer
Add an article
an employer
the employer
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 to see in their candidate. In a group of employees where a leader is necessary to manage
working
Correct article usage
a working
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 schedule and complex structure organization, a senior
managemer
Correct your spelling
management
position
 must be filled with the right person who has
also
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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skills
 in
managament
Correct your spelling
management
 and
experiences
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experience
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. It is common in many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
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 that people who are in the
position
as
Change preposition
of
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 senior
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
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 to have much higher salaries than other employees in the same organization. Management
skills
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not something that can be
acqueried
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acquired
queried
 by learning in
text books
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textbooks
show examples
 only. It is actually
acqueried
Correct your spelling
acquired
 after the job has
done
Add a missing verb
been done
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. It needs
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 emotional quotient and people experience to be a good manager of a group with
complex
Correct article usage
a complex
show examples
 structure organization. In some companies where the product or output of the work
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 coming from a complex workflow which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 required to be done from many special divisions or technical area, the management skill of a senior team leader is critical. But in companies where the outputs can be delivered directly to the client
such
 as in the field of
consultantcy
Correct your spelling
consultancy
, higher salaries for senior management
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
perhaps
Add a missing verb
are perhaps
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 not a default
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
.
Submitted by mutiaraardian56 on

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement provided. To improve, ensure that you present a clear opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for clarity and a stronger argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay requires a more logical structure, and the ideas need to be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a central topic. Use linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'however,' and 'therefore' to improve the flow of information and transitions between sentences.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples to support your points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic. Ensure these examples are directly related to the argument and help to explain or justify the opinion presented in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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