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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

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Introduction
There is many reason
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
choosing the
subject
Use synonyms
 in schools and universities. But mostly girls move towards the arts and
boys
Use synonyms
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 will move to the science fields. there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
. In
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
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 I will give many reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the girls
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
capacity
Correct article usage
the capacity
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of
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apply
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time
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 to spend in study they do their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 at
home
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 and they
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to invest their
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 that's
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 they can't choose
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
the difficult
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
. Otherside,
boys
Use synonyms
 have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 because they spend their
time
Use synonyms
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
 the house with friends and some professional persons
also
Linking Words
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 and take part in science
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, women
not
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do not
did not
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 go out
from
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of
show examples
 the
home
Use synonyms
 they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 join
in
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apply
show examples
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
 of professional field people they have not wide range of knowledge about fields just see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 life only
according to
Linking Words
 female life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 fashion or decoration
then
Linking Words
 they join
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 field. But
boys
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 have
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
behiened
Correct your spelling
why
 and
desired
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
 to do some
create
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 and calculative work
that's
Verb problem
why
show examples
 they join these
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 decide
arts
Change preposition
on arts
show examples
 and
boys
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do some different that's
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 select science.
Woment
Correct your spelling
Women
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
to gather
Change the verb form
gathered
show examples
 in professionals and have no idea about the field but males have
kownledged
Correct your spelling
knowledge
. Women
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
time
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 have it.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic approach to the topic, but significant issues with coherence and cohesion are apparent. Work on establishing a clearer logical structure within your paragraphs and throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and progresses logically from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
The response partly tackles the task, but the ideas need to be expressed more coherently and comprehensively. Develop each point with clear, relevant examples, and support your arguments with appropriate evidence. Make sure you address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion before reaching a reasoned conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • reasons
  • ideas
  • people
  • home
  • school
  • teacher
  • parents
  • friends
  • clubs
  • jobs
  • work
  • money
  • choice
  • option
  • equal
  • help
  • support
  • change
  • role model
  • arts
  • science
  • future
  • study
  • career
  • experience
  • opportunity
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