IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Economy is depends upon the dwellers because every nations have their own strengths of youngsters. According to my prespective government of poorer nations to look after their citizens. I accord with the latter notion discord.

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To initiate with the most prominent benefit is that youngsters are
pillers
Correct your spelling
pillars
 of every country
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 their own talent.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 need to
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education, infrastructure, and law that
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 more upgrades in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 people's lives
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 comfortable and creating opportunities for students.
Such
Linking Words
 as,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 was no source of water and farming
1887
Change preposition
in 1887
show examples
 but now
Dubai
Use synonyms
 has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 willpower because of authority
changes
Replace the word
changed
show examples
 rules and regulations. Authority
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
investment
Replace the word
investing
show examples
 their own lands and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 many opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 citizens and
also
Linking Words
 constructed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern building and clouds formation which helps to produce rainfall in
Use synonyms
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
further
Linking Words
 with the help of petrol
Use synonyms
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
 has
sell
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
 and
generate
Wrong verb form
generated
show examples
 more profits
in addition
Linking Words
 again it has
invest
Change the verb form
invested
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their own country and form globally talent come and
work
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
 so that
Use synonyms
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
 become more independent. Substantiating
further
Linking Words
, Poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 and supply
chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the
show examples
government has
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
worked
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
giving subsitiy, business investment, Education,
job
Correct word choice
and job
show examples
 opportunities
for
Change preposition
so
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 economy will grow and income will
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 as well.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 if poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 import
food
Use synonyms
 from developed
nations
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 quality and ingredients don't know what chemicals
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 used to make
food
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as,
Change preposition
in
show examples
Poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 if
food
Use synonyms
make
Wrong verb form
is made
show examples
themselves
Change preposition
by themselves
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they know what ingredients are included so it is better for
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 by dwellers.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Although
Linking Words
 depending on other countries it's not
work
Use synonyms
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term. If poorer
nations
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
import
food
Use synonyms
 and medicines
that
Linking Words
is make
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 more debts
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
poores
Correct your spelling
poor
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
. So,
independent
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 is
cardinal
Add an article
a cardinal
the cardinal
show examples
 role in every
Use synonyms
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, ensure that your essay begins with a clear thesis statement that outlines the two views given in the task and ends with a summarising conclusion that restates your position.
logical structure
Your essay's structure requires improvement. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are arranged logically throughout the essay. Use transition words to help the reader follow the argument.
supported main points
Support your main points with relevant and detailed examples. Develop the paragraphs further by explaining how the examples relate to the topic and the argument you are making.
complete response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument presented and giving your own opinion. Be sure to cover all aspects of the prompt in your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and ensure each paragraph contributes to your overall argument or response to the question.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. These examples should clearly relate to the topic and provide evidence for the points you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth distribution
  • international aid
  • foreign assistance
  • sovereignty
  • self-reliance
  • global inequality
  • sustainable development
  • capacity building
  • economic growth
  • philanthropy
  • humanitarian aid
  • global citizenship
  • interdependence
  • poverty alleviation
  • social responsibility
What to do next:
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