It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people think that this is wasted money, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
a mountain of money for a
country
to organize a global
sports
event,
such
as the
Olympic
Games or football
World
Cup is wasted money.
While
others believe that
this
will bring numerous benefits.
While
both viewpoints are valid, I lean towards the latter. There are convincing reasons why some opine that
this
is misspent.
Firstly
, these events demand
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facilities and infrastructure, so the
country
must incur numerous costs to
renovations
Replace the word
renovate
show examples
the infrastructure
such
as transportation, bridges or airports,
this
can consume billions of dollars.
Next,
organization and operation are
also
too costly, these expenses include costs for security forces, healthcare and other services. Another reason is international
sports
need to be widely advertised to attract spectators,
this
can cost money on advertising, social media and other activities.
However
, I would argue that the
world
championships are beneficial for the
host
country
. There are many benefits for the
host
country
when hosting a global sporting event. International competitions can be appealing to countless tourists worldwide.
This
can help the hosting community's tourism and economic development.
For example
,
according to
estimate
Add an article
an estimate
show examples
by the International
Olympic
Committee,
Rio
Correct article usage
the Rio
show examples
2016
Olympic
Games
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Brazil 7,3 billion dollars
revenue
Change preposition
in revenue
show examples
and created two hundred fifty thousand jobs.
Secondly
,
this
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
raise awareness about the
host
country
around the
world
, which can be profitable for diplomatic and commerce targets.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, international
sports
can help promote solidarity and peace between countries.
For instance
, the
Olympic
Games are
occasion
Add an article
an occasion
the occasion
show examples
for sportspeople around the
world
to compete and interact with each other. In conclusion,
although
both views are valid to some extent, I still opine that transnational
sports
can be beneficial for the
host
country
.
Submitted by huoglan10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Be sure to maintain a consistent and organized structure throughout your essay. Introduction and conclusion are both present, yet they lack a clear position and could be more developed to guide the reader better through your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
The main points should be supported by more specific examples. While some data regarding the Rio Olympics is included, more illustrative details or references could significantly strengthen the argument.
task achievement
To fully address the task, make sure to cover all parts of the prompt. While both views are mentioned, the discussion seems cursory, and your own opinion should be stated more emphatically and justified throughout the essay, not only at the conclusion. Additionally, a richer development of points and a more nuanced view of the opposing argument can also enhance the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: