IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Food Consumption in China, 1985-2010 (grams/person/week) - Meat • Sale - Fish 300 500 700 50C 500 400 300 200 100 Meat 1985 1990 1995 2000 2005 2010

#food #consumption #china #grams #person #week #meat #sale #fish #c
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A glance at
provided
Correct article usage
the provided
show examples
 line graph depicts the demand of food preferences by every Chinese individual during the year gap of 25 years simultaneously. It is diversified
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 3 categories (Fish,Meat and Salt) in
grams
Use synonyms
 consumed by citizens per week respectively. In respect of fish,the value in 1985 was 500
grams
Use synonyms
 which increased and doubled to 700
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1990.
Whereas
Linking Words
, it was degraded again to 500
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1995.
However
Linking Words
, it can be commented that the rate of meat
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 over the years. In connection with salt, the amount was continuously declining. The rate in 1985 was 500
grams
Use synonyms
 which fell to 200
grams
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010. In terms of meat, the value
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 constantly
rising
Wrong verb form
risen
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 since
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
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 age. The amount in 1985 was 100
grams
Use synonyms
 which
raise
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to 200
grams
Use synonyms
 by
ending
Wrong verb form
the end
show examples
 year respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be commented that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 non-vegetarian items, were more popular or preferable by an individual.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the amount of salt faced negligence by citizens of China gradually.
Submitted by pranshu15shah on

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Introduction
Your introduction is satisfactory but could be more precise in referencing the graph and the time period. When mentioning the categories, it's crucial to be more accurate - instead of 'Salt', the category is 'Meat'.
Task Achievement
While you've attempted to provide an overview, it lacks clear summarization of main trends, comparisons, or differences. It is important to comprehensively summarize the trends of all categories over the entire time period.
Coherence
The logical sequencing of information is somewhat jumbled, and connections between ideas could be clear. Work on transitioning smoothly between points and using varied linking devices to guide the reader.
Cohesion
Use data references more consistently to support your points. When describing trends, it is crucial to cite specific data points from the graph for every category at each time interval.
Conclusion
The conclusion is present but lacks a strong summarizing statement that encapsulates the main findings of the data. It should not introduce new information and instead, reflect on the contents presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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