IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph illustrates trends of a number of residents

The line graph illustrates trends of a number of residents
The line graph illustrates trends of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of residents in four Asia countries residing in urban areas between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970 to 2020 with the assumption for 2023 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all countries indicates an upward
trend
Use synonyms
 over the period. Looking for more details, the ratio of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 population was 30% in 1970 and it
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady until it sharply
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to 50% in 1990. After
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
year
Use synonyms
, it significantly decreased to 40% in 2010, but the upward
trend
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stared
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
 in 2010 with predicted to reach 55% in 2040.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysian citizens accounted for 30% in 1970 and after the
year
Use synonyms
 was in
Correct article usage
a continuous
show examples
continuous
Change the word
continuously
show examples
 increasing
trend
Use synonyms
, the highest point is in 2020 for 75% with the assumption to rise
80
Change preposition
to 80
show examples
% in 2040. Thai residents were below 20% in 1970. It began to moderately grow, with 25% in 2020,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained stable from 2000 to 2020 at approximately 30%. After the
year
Use synonyms
, it
considerably
Add a missing verb
is considerably
show examples
 projected to climb to 40% in 2040.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
Indonesian
Correct quantifier usage
number of Indonesian
show examples
 people in 1970 was 15%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1970
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 compared to other nationalities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it steadily was
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 until
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 it remarkably increased to achieve 50% in 2020 with anticipation to continuous increase to 60% in 20240.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year, trend with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: