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Band 2.5

the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#percentage #australian #men #women #three #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph demonstrates the
proprtions
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proportions
proportion
 of employees in
Autralia
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Australia
 of a certain gender, illustrating the distributions among their ages from 15 to 64 within
three
years
 including; 1984, 2001 and 2014.
Overall
, people between the
age
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ages
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 of 35 and 44 were the most working group among the
three
years
 period,
on the other hand
, old people who aged between 60 and 64
years
, were the least participants in 1984 and 2001.
However
, in 2014,
emplyees
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employees
 between 15 and 19
years
were
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old were
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 the least group
contibuting
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contributing
in
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to
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cooperate
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cooperative
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 work with only 50% of men.
Among
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During
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 the
three
Change to a plural noun
years
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year
Add a comma
year,
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 a slight decrease
occured
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occurred
 in the
numbers
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number
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 of teenage
worker
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workers
show examples
,
downwarding
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downward
downwardly
 from
approximetly
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approximately
 60% in 1984 to 50% in 2014.
Furthemore
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Furthermore
, people living between their 30s and 40s have taken place in a steady percentage among the
three
deacades
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decades
,
buidling
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building
 more than 75% of the work population in Australia.
Additionally
, a drastic
raise
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rise
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 was noted
regarding
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in
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 the old community
who
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apply
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aged between 60 and 64, who experienced an increasing figure from less
50
Change preposition
than 50
show examples
% of the working men to almost 60% of them by 2014.
Submitted by makahlehaseel on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly describes the general scope of the data presented in the graph without errors.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion should effectively summarize the key findings and trends shown in the graph. Try to refine it to more clearly reflect the overall trends.
supported main points
It is essential to support your main points with clear references to the data. Be precise with percentages and age groups, and check for accuracy.
logical structure
Be mindful of the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitions should be clear and smooth, connecting ideas effectively.
complete response
Make sure to complete the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. This includes an accurate and detailed comparison of the data across age groups and years.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay should consistently present clear ideas. Avoid ambiguity by using specific language, and make sure to compare and contrast the data effectively.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant examples from the data provided to back up your points. Specificity is crucial, so include exact figures when discussing percentages and trends.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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