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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons #mins
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There are two bar graphs, the first illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of residents who have possession
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
a computer’s
show examples
computer’s
Change noun form
computer
show examples
 company from 2002 to 2010, and another presents the percentage of academic knowledge which contained five different kinds in 2002 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, both graphs had upward trends parallelly, the number of ownerships gradually climbed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
year
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, each range of
education’s
Change noun form
education
show examples
 level rose slightly in 8 years,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 postgraduate students
gained
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 compared to other degrees. In terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer possession, in the first
year
Use synonyms
, it started
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and increased
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2 years gap with steady trends. In the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, 2010, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the max
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 75
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the degrees compared between 2002 and 2010 which both years had nearly the same trends. The lowest percentage was no diploma in high school, 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to over 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively, whilst the highest was postgraduate
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gained 75
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the first
year
Use synonyms
 and ended up nearly 100
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the high
proportion
Use synonyms
 contrasted with the gap in each
year
Use synonyms
, only
15
Correct article usage
a 15
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 difference in
bachelors
Fix the agreement mistake
bachelor
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 and
postgraduates’
Change noun form
postgraduates
show examples
 degrees.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, year, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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