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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagrams display how employees
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranged
show examples
 their
time
 in 1958 and 2008 respectively, including working; sleeping; commuting;
as well as
 various leisure activities.
Overall
 working people in 2008 spent more
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work and staying home
for relaxing
Change preposition
to relax
show examples
, compared to people in 1958 who
were in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
favoured
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out with friends and families. There were some
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 indicated a rise during surveyed years,
such
 as working; relaxing at home; and commuting, especially the
time
 individuals in 2008 spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traveling to work at 8%, which was four
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 higher than those in 1958.
Moreover
, the
time
contributed on
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 working and relaxing at home
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
9
Change preposition
by 9
show examples
% and 5%
individually
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.
On the other hand
, workers in 2008 spent less
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going out with friends and families compared to those in 1958, in which the figure in 2008 was one-third of that in 1958. On top of that, working individuals in 2008
also
sleep
Wrong verb form
slept
show examples
 less,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 25% in a day,
8
Correct article usage
an 8
show examples
% shortage
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 employees in 1958.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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