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Writing Samples
Band 3

Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#traffic #accommodation #government #businesses #move #cities #areas #advantage
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An upward trend of traffic and accommodation in
cities
 forces
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to encourage different kinds of
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 to
move
 to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of
this
move
. On the one hand, moving businesses to rural areas would have a positive influence on those areas.
For example
, sometimes governments face that it's
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 problem in making enough workplaces for inhabitants.
Also
, the presence of a business provokes environmental development, and
as a result
, countries become better places to live.
However
,
cities
 might lose some opportunities,and
asolution
Correct your spelling
a solution
solutions
 to traffic
problems
 has more pros than cons.
On the other hand
, growing business in villages may be difficult for a wide range of
problems
. First of all, being far away from
cities
 could be expensive because transporting goods for long distances costs a huge amount of money.
Also
, an employer may face the complication of finding enough graduated specialists to work with. For
this
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, some employers would refuse to
move
 or close their businesses. In conclusion,
Capitalize word
I
show examples
i
Capitalize word
I
show examples
 think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should encourage businesses to
move
 from
cities
 to rural areas. For me advantages outweigh the disadvantages, it could cause some
problems
 for enterprises, but society achieves solutions to the most important
problems
 of modern
cities
.
Submitted by cryptofarmboy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure that includes distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You could strengthen the essay's cohesion by improving transitions and connections between ideas.
task achievement
Develop the body paragraphs with clear main points. While you have touched upon advantages and disadvantages, more detailed examples and explanations would enrich your response. Aim to have a balance in the development of both sides of the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban sprawl, Traffic congestion, Decentralization, Economic diversification, Work-life balance, Sustainable development, Infrastructure, Connectivity, Skilled workforce, Supply chain, Green spaces, Urban-rural migration, Overcrowding, Economic disparity, Cultural isolation, Remote working, Commuter towns, Metropolitan, Commercial hub.
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