IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities?

#people #leisure #time #television #video #games #part #activities
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Due to
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 globalization, young people who live in developed countries are studying hard in order to increase their competitiveness in job markets.
However
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, there is criticism that youngsters do not use their
time
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 effectively.
This
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 claim is totally far from the truth since students not only try their best to achieve higher scores in assessments but
also
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 develop their generic
skills
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 through taking part in many rewarding
activities
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 outside the school. It is evident that the schedule of the students is fully occupied with homework and
the
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apply
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assessment because of the establishment of the exam-oriented education system. In terms of the limited capacity of tertiary education admissions, they are essential to obtain a good performance in the public examinations, which is one of the requirements to enter the university. As
such
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, youngsters have to take different kinds of tutorial courses, ranging from language courses to advanced mathematics, so as to acquire the strategies for answering the exam papers. To successfully accomplish it, examinees have no other alternatives but to use their
time
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 wisely without adequate rest. Apart from academic work, constructing generic
skills
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 remains fundamentally important to young people in the changing world. These
skills
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 consist of critical-thinking
skills
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, communication
skills
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 and problem-solving
skills
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. To achieve
this
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 goal, parents are willing to arrange a broad range of value-adding
activities
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 for their children, these
activities
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 include some overseas exchange programs, study camps and extra-curricular
activities
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, which are usually organized by the educational centre in the summer holidays.
This
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 is yet another evidence that teenagers are effective in spending their spare
time
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 in a meaningful way. All in all, it is beyond the truth youngsters are misusing their leisure
time
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 as they utilize their
time
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 to improve their academic results and develop their personal
skills
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.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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