IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities?

#people #leisure #time #television #video #games #part #activities
Due to
 globalization, young people who live in developed countries are studying hard in order to increase their competitiveness in job markets.
However
, there is criticism that youngsters do not use their
time
 effectively.
This
 claim is totally far from the truth since students not only try their best to achieve higher scores in assessments but
also
 develop their generic
skills
 through taking part in many rewarding
activities
 outside the school. It is evident that the schedule of the students is fully occupied with homework and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
assessment because of the establishment of the exam-oriented education system. In terms of the limited capacity of tertiary education admissions, they are essential to obtain a good performance in the public examinations, which is one of the requirements to enter the university. As
such
, youngsters have to take different kinds of tutorial courses, ranging from language courses to advanced mathematics, so as to acquire the strategies for answering the exam papers. To successfully accomplish it, examinees have no other alternatives but to use their
time
 wisely without adequate rest. Apart from academic work, constructing generic
skills
 remains fundamentally important to young people in the changing world. These
skills
 consist of critical-thinking
skills
, communication
skills
 and problem-solving
skills
. To achieve
this
 goal, parents are willing to arrange a broad range of value-adding
activities
 for their children, these
activities
 include some overseas exchange programs, study camps and extra-curricular
activities
, which are usually organized by the educational centre in the summer holidays.
This
 is yet another evidence that teenagers are effective in spending their spare
time
 in a meaningful way. All in all, it is beyond the truth youngsters are misusing their leisure
time
 as they utilize their
time
 to improve their academic results and develop their personal
skills
.
Submitted by kylewkh726 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a well-defined introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion that reiterates your main points. The structure of your essay is logical, but transitions can be enhanced for smoother progression of ideas.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the question, to enhance your task achievement score, you should incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea which is well-developed and relevant to the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: