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Band 4

Success if often measured in terms of how much money somebody has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could you measure whether somebody is successful or not

#success #terms #money #somebody #wealth #measure
An
individuals'
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
success
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 measured in multifarious ways across the globe.
While
Correct word choice
Money
show examples
money
 is always
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the primary place of measuring peoples'
achievements
. I think the standard way of
money
 is a good
accessment
Correct your spelling
assessment
 of the population's
success
.
Besides
,
fame
 and
name
 regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social service
also
decides
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 the public's
achievements
.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
 with,
wealth
 is always considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
success
 among the population because it brings more pride and honour. Earning
money
 is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 easy thing, it needs more handwork and effort to make
money
,
hence
, people consider
wealth
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 a
success
.
For example
,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 community always consider a person's
success
 by how much
assest
Correct your spelling
asset
assist
assets
 and
money
 he has even
he
Correct word choice
if he
show examples
 should
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 own house rather than
Add an article
a rental
show examples
rental
Replace the word
rent
show examples
.
Wealth
 provides a stable life not only present but
also
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 future, so, the public thinks
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 as an
individuals'
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
achievements
Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
show examples
.
In contrast
, there are other things
also
 considered as
success
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
fame
 and
name
regards to
Replace the word
regarding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social work and activity. When people do any social work
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they get more
success
 than
money
 because it brings satisfaction and happiness towards it.
For instance
, the Indian famous scientist Mr APJ Abdul Kalam
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Indian
Correct article usage
an Indian
show examples
 space research project to society improves
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scientifically
Change the word
scientific
show examples
while
 he had more
fame
 and
name
Correct article usage
a name
show examples
 across the world as
scientist
Add an article
a scientist
show examples
instead
 of
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more
money
.
Therefore
,
fame
 and
name
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 considered as peoples'
achievements
 by doing social activities.
To conclude
,
wealth
 is always
Correct pronoun usage
one on
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the primary criteria
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 measuring an individual's
success
 because it needs more handwork and effort to make
this
 that's why.
Besides
,
fame
 and
name
 regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social work
also
considers
Change the verb form
consider
show examples
 the
poluations'
Correct your spelling
populations
success
 and achievement
instead
 of
money
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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grammar and vocabulary
There are several grammatical errors and inappropriate word choices which can hinder the reader's understanding. It is critical to use correct grammar and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas clearly.
coherence
The essay exhibits a lack of clear organizational structure, which can confuse readers. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
development of ideas
The supporting arguments are not sufficiently developed and lack depth. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your main points and make your essay more persuasive.
task response
The introduction and conclusion should be more concise and directly address the question. Refine your opening and closing statements to reflect a precise understanding and response to the prompt.
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