Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #effects #child

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Interactive

media

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as television, video, and computer games

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

been used by

children

Use synonyms

in their free time

frequently

Rephrase

apply

show examples

However

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

some people think that it is important to use these devices for kids for educational

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

and stress-release, I personally believe that

mentioned

Correct article usage

the mentioned

show examples

stuff

contain

Verb problem

has

show examples

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

influence

for

Change preposition

show examples

them. With regard to the educational purpose, people believe it is acceptable for several reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

, they think that interactive

media

Use synonyms

can be a source of learning

Change preposition

for

show examples

these

children

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

is because

media

Use synonyms

can offer audio and visual-based learning that allows

children

Use synonyms

to absorb knowledge in

fun

Change the article

a fun

show examples

way. That being said, parents may feel less worry if their

children

Use synonyms

play

gadgets

Change preposition

with gadgets

show examples

, as long as the content accessed is education-related material.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it is believed by some research that learning by video is easily stuck in our memory rather than textbook-based learning.

However

Linking Words

, I do not argue these arguments are entirely valid.

To begin

Linking Words

, it has been shown on numerous

occasion

Fix the agreement mistake

occasions

show examples

that

children

Use synonyms

who

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

leisure

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

more than four hours to videos are subject to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of emotional control.

This

Linking Words

has caused many

children

Use synonyms

are

Change the verb form

to be

show examples

quickly agitated if their devices are taken away. If the goal is to ensure

children

Use synonyms

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

study interactively,

then

Linking Words

these emotional problem

Change the determiner

this emotional problem

these emotional problems

show examples

should not happen in the first place at all.

Therefore

Linking Words

, again, leaving

children

Use synonyms

with devices should not be considered

Correct your spelling

show examples

alternative to interactive learning.

To sum up

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

some people argue that interactive

media

Use synonyms

provides positive effects for

children

Use synonyms

for studying

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that

this

Linking Words

is not the case, and

therefore

Linking Words

, controlling the usage of

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

for

children

Use synonyms

should be under strict supervision.

Submitted by imsarunn on Wed Dec 20 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay needs a more coherent structure with better use of paragraphs to separate the points. Each main idea should be in its paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and Conclusion must be more clearly defined, framing the discussion in the introduction and summarizing the main points in a meaningful conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Make sure to fully address the task by discussing both views equally before giving your opinion. Provide a balanced view before stating your own stance.

task achievement

Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and developed more comprehensively. This can be achieved through the use of more complex sentence structures and a variety of vocabulary.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your point of view and make your essay more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people argue that technological interventions such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What is the reason ? What can be done to resolve this problem?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard-working and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.