This bar chart shows the different reasons for making journeys in the UK in 2006 and how males and females differed in this.

This bar chart shows the different reasons for making journeys in the UK in 2006 and how males and females differed in this.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for This bar chart shows the different reasons for making journeys in the UK in 2006 and how males and females differed in this.
The bar chart given illustrates the percentage of citizens in the UK
travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
show examples
for different reasons in 2006/the year 2006,
according to
Linking Words
their genders.
Overall
Linking Words
, for females, the purpose that occupied the most percentage was known as shopping and
in contrast
Linking Words
, for males, they tended to go to the office for business. As can be seen in the chart given, it is
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
that the number of
men
Use synonyms
and women who want to go for a walk, have a holiday or a personal business trip were nearly the same, at 4%, 3% and 10% respectively. There were three aspects that the proportion of women
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
higher than
men
Use synonyms
including visiting friends, going shopping and school runs. Among these, shopping, which accounted for 23% of all trips was the most common reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
females.
Then
Linking Words
, school runs occupied the second position after going shopping with 17% and the third one was paying a visit
friends
Change preposition
to friends
show examples
with 16%.
Next,
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
regarding the
show examples
goal for education and sport or entertainment,
men
Use synonyms
have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
quantity than women at about
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6% to 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commuting and business, which was
Add an article
the favorite
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
domain of almost
men
Use synonyms
occupied 23%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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