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Writing Samples
Band 8

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
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The bar charts indicate the proportion of men and women who implement various domestic works, including cooking; cleaning; pet caring;
as well as
 repairing the house,
along with
 the
time
 they spend on each task.
Overall
, women spend the most
time
 on housework than males, in which cooking takes up the most of
time
,
while
 a small amount of
time
 is used to repair houses.
On the other hand
, there are more gentlemen in charge of fixing houses than ladies. The ratio between gentlemen and ladies who cook is three to four, in which females spend 80
minutes
 on it, which is 20 more
minutes
 compared to men. On the other side, only a small amount of
time
 is used on house repairs, which are mainly done by males who spend an average of 20
minutes
 on it.
Moreover
, there are 20 per cent more females than males conduct cleaning at home, at 60 per cent,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend more than an hour on
such
 a task. The equivalent number of men and women in charge of looking after pets at 20 per cent, on top of that, the average
time
 spent on
such
 tasks is 20
minutes
.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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