Some employers are giving increased importance to employing people with good social skills in addition to good qualifications. Do you agree or disagree that social skills are as important as good qualifications for success in a job?

Several employers believe that it is important to recruit someone who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not only good in terms of meeting the required qualifications, but
also
those who have excellent capabilities in communications, collaborations, and other social
skills
. Others do not have the same opinion.
This
essay strongly
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
with the former statement and
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
that all companies around the world need to do the same. Before
explaning
Correct your spelling
explaining
why
this
is the case, let me briefly explain both perspectives first. The supporters of having good social
skills
in
corporate
Add an article
the corporate
show examples
world believe that all employees should not only focus on developing technical
skills
because those specializations are not the most crucial ones when it comes to solving customer problems.
For example
, in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
show examples
every employee is often assigned to a team
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
consists of many people. In
this
case, each person needs to show his/her communication and collaboration
skills
in order to achieve the given target. If there is a person in a certain team that cannot implement those capabilities,
then
it will affect the performance of other teammates.
However
, the critics say that social
skills
can be an obstacle
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
developing radical ideas.
For instance
, when
albert
Change the capitalization
Albert
show examples
einstein developed his theory of general relativity, he
basically
Add a missing verb
was basically
show examples
against the dominant belief at that time which was
newtonian
Change the capitalization
Newtonian
show examples
physics concepts. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
a lot of debates and extensive experiments to prove whether
einstein's
Capitalize word
Einstein's
show examples
theory was correct or not. Some said that if he
did
Wrong verb form
had done
show examples
research with other laboratory members who could challenge his idea, we would not have
einstein's
Capitalize word
Einstein's
show examples
paper
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
published
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the first time. Even though there were indeed several conditions in the past that could enable breakthrough discoveries when working alone, I argue that the chance of those major events ever
happen
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
again in the future will be very small. The reason for
that is
because nowadays problems faced by humankind are becoming more complex and asymmetric. Many of them often need
collaborations
Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
show examples
between all parties involved. Look at current world issues like climate change, renewable energy, and artificial intelligence. Those challenges cannot be solved even by the smartest human. In conclusion, we need to enhance our partnership and collaboration in order to solve the most difficult problems faced by humanity. In order to do so, we can start developing industry cultures that welcome
team-working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
and communication
instead
of just focusing
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
technical aspects and individualism.
Therefore
, employers should prioritize workers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have social
skills
.
This
will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other aspects of global economies,
such
as education, farming, manufacturing, etc.
Submitted by ravialdyhidayat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, making it possible for the reader to follow your arguments; however, you could improve the logical flow and transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have presented an introduction and conclusion which is commendable, but ensure that the conclusion effectively summarises the main points discussed without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes supporting arguments for your main points, but you could enhance the essay by providing more detailed examples and evidence to back up your claims.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a complete response, but aim for more depth in your discussion by covering a wider range of perspectives and counterarguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and mostly comprehensive, but strive for more detailed exploration of the ideas to fully develop your argument.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from the use of more relevant and specific examples to strengthen the arguments. The examples provided are too general or hypothetical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: