Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
It is discussed by a part of society
that is
government
should invest the money in the arts. Another group of people oppose and consider that government
must invest Correct article usage
the government
this
income in community services
. I will discuss both sides in this
essay below.
There are several reasons, why government
must make investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
to
arts and other social activities.
Nowadays, people are very depressed because of hard life situations. In European countries, %70 of Change preposition
in
population
has financial difficulties. Add an article
the population
Unemployement
ratio has Correct your spelling
Unemployment
been
increased and life conditions Unnecessary verb
apply
are become
more difficult. Change to the active voice
become
have become
The social
activities like concerts, theatre etc. help people to Correct article usage
Social
make
less Verb problem
be
stress
. Replace the word
stressed
In addition
, this
kind of activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
are
appealing Correct subject-verb agreement
is
tourists
, Change preposition
to tourists
therefore
it may be a huge income for governments. For example
; In yearly,Vienna is visiting
by more than 1 million opera lovers tourists.
Wrong verb form
visited
On the other hand
, governments must not forget to importance
of community Add an article
the importance
services
. As you know, governments are selected by public's
votes. The Sunday Times recently reported that %65 of Correct article usage
the public's
population
vote Correct article usage
the population
according to
government's
public Correct article usage
the government's
services
quality. Transportation
system and education system are one of the most important Correct article usage
The transportation
criterias
of folk's voting.
In conclusion, each particular idea has its own benefits and drawbacks. A Correct your spelling
criteria
government
's the
most important duty is Correct article usage
apply
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
their
public happy. Change the word
the
Therefore
, they should invest arts
and public Change preposition
in arts
services
both
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure, but it struggles with logical ordering and complexity of ideas. There is an introduction, body, and conclusion, yet the essay's internal logic sometimes seems disjointed. Consider using a more varied structure and clearer topic sentences to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, the essay would benefit from clearer examples and a deeper exploration of the topic. Aim to provide more precise and elaborate evidence to back your points, and ensure your conclusion weighs both sides to form a more nuanced argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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