People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?
According to
a recent trend, people
from different countries around the world are more likely to spend most of their time living far away from home. There is
a number of reasons behind Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
trend and a variety of influences comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
along with
it.
In fact, the tendency is mainly caused by the needs
for money and other career purposes. Fix the agreement mistake
need
Firstly
, many people
do not have a suitable job while
staying at home and end up living under economic pressure. There, they have to move to regions and seek for
Change preposition
apply
approriate
job opportunities which provide them with a stable financial source to support essential needs in life. Correct your spelling
appropriate
Secondly
, people
who are ambitious would love to broaden their mind
by travelling to places to Fix the agreement mistake
minds
fulfill
their goals and reach a higher position in their careers. Change the spelling
fulfil
For example
, Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam usually has higher
chance of working in professional companies, Add an article
a higher
thus
the Vietnamese from provinces are willing to move there.
Consequently
, spending time away from hometown
does include several impacts on both the Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
people
themselves and families
. From an insight perspective, Correct pronoun usage
their families
people
may be
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
the feelings of sharing and have to cope with loneliness. In some cases, gradual loneliness over a long period of time can even result in unstable mental health Change preposition
apply
as well as
psychological disorders. A considerable number of workers claim that they have serious damages
to physical health and mental behaviours when choosing to work in cities Fix the agreement mistake
damage
instead
of their hometown
. Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
Furthermore
, families whose members are far away may easily suffer from emotional loss and reduce the connection between family members. Without constant contacts
and Fix the agreement mistake
contact
get
in touch via social networking sites, the family bond will significantly weaken.
In summary, living far away from home can bring numerous chances Wrong verb form
getting
while
effect
individuals Correct your spelling
affecting
themselves
and Correct pronoun usage
apply
social
relationshipsCorrect pronoun usage
their social
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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each supporting idea, and the conclusion. Use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion. Both should clearly state the topic and summarize the main points. Your conclusion should also reflect back on the arguments made and synthesize the information presented.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are present, they need to be further developed with more specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the question. Make sure to expand on each point to fully argue your case.
task achievement
A complete response to the task requires a thorough exploration of both parts of the question: reasons for the trend and its effects on individuals and families. Your essay touches on both, but further detail and examples would benefit your response.
task achievement
Your ideas are fairly clear, but to score higher, ensure that you present a single clear idea in each paragraph with comprehensive support. Avoid listing multiple ideas without delving deeply into each one.
task achievement
You should incorporate more relevant, specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. This will require some factual knowledge or imaginative hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the topic at hand.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.