IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
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The information given in the graphs
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
Correct article usage
the contrubution
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contrubution
Correct your spelling
contribution
contributions
 of people who watch
reality
Use synonyms
 and game shows in male and female and various
age
Use synonyms
 groups in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
reality
Use synonyms
 shows are mostly watched by women in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups,
while
Linking Words
 percentages for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 are approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
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. Generally,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 and people who
over
Add a missing verb
are over
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 the
age
Use synonyms
45
Change preposition
of 45
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 watch more than others. The main future in the data is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
reality
Use synonyms
 shows are more popular among
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with 75% and about 35% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, game shows are the
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 programmes which are interesting for both of them with a little more than 60%. As can be seen from
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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 rate, figures for
over
Correct pronoun usage
those over
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 the
age
Use synonyms
45
Change preposition
of 45
show examples
 is
overall
Linking Words
 70% for both types of shows,
however
Linking Words
, the number for the youngest generation is nearly 51%. The
contrubution
Correct your spelling
contribution
 on 25-34 and 35-44 is higher in
reality
Use synonyms
 shows than
game
Change preposition
in game
show examples
 shows; in the former is less than 45 %, but in the latter is more than 60%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reality, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 7 times.
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