IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the facilities of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the facilities of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the number in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of male and female academic workers from several majors in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph shows that the majority of
staff
Use synonyms
 members
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 male
altough
Correct your spelling
although
 in some major, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 is higher than the male. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of academic
staff
Use synonyms
 members
vary
Correct subject-verb agreement
varies
show examples
 from 18% to 85%. In Engineering
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
,
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
staff
Use synonyms
 is the most dominating gender.
At exactly
Change preposition
Exactly
show examples
 85%,
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 workers in engineering
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 male,
than
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the other 18%
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 female.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in any other major like business, law, and science, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of male
staff
Use synonyms
 is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 or over 60%. Meanwhile, the number of female workers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 higher in the
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
 of arts, education, and medicine. Female
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 are the majority in education major reaching the
percentage
Use synonyms
 nearly three quarters. There are
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 between the number of female and male
staff
Use synonyms
, 50% and 49% respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • faculty
  • academic staff
  • proportion
  • disparity
  • trends
  • significance
  • broader societal trends
  • gender equality
  • university environment
  • implications
  • predominantly
  • minority
  • skewed
  • equal representation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: