IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the facilities of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the facilities of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #staff #members #facilities #university #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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The graph illustrates the number in
percent
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per cent
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 of male and female academic workers from several majors in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph shows that the majority of
staff
Use synonyms
 members
is
Change the verb form
are
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 male
altough
Correct your spelling
although
 in some major, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 is higher than the male. The
percentage
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 of academic
staff
Use synonyms
 members
vary
Correct subject-verb agreement
varies
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 from 18% to 85%. In Engineering
major
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majors
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,
male
Add an article
the male
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staff
Use synonyms
 is the most dominating gender.
At exactly
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Exactly
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 85%,
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 workers in engineering
is
Change the verb form
are
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 male,
than
Correct word choice
and
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 the other 18%
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 female.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in any other major like business, law, and science, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of male
staff
Use synonyms
 is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 or over 60%. Meanwhile, the number of female workers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 higher in the
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
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 of arts, education, and medicine. Female
staffs
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staff
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 are the majority in education major reaching the
percentage
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 nearly three quarters. There are
slightly
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slight
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difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 between the number of female and male
staff
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, 50% and 49% respectively.
Submitted by mmmuuu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • faculty
  • academic staff
  • proportion
  • disparity
  • trends
  • significance
  • broader societal trends
  • gender equality
  • university environment
  • implications
  • predominantly
  • minority
  • skewed
  • equal representation
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