IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportions of british students at one university in england who were able to speak other languages in addition to english,in 2000 and 2010.

The chart below shows the proportions of british students at one university in england who were able to speak other languages in addition to english,in 2000 and 2010.
#proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British pupils at a specific university in England who were capable of speaking other languages
along with
English
 in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, it is evident that in both years, the majority of
students
 knew Spanish
in addition
 to
English
.
Besides
, in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both charts, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that only 10% of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
them spoke German, which
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the minimum proportion in the two years.
First,
Spanish was the widely spoken language among undergraduates in 2000 and 2010
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more than 30% of the university
students
 were Spanish.
Furthermore
, in 2000, 20% of the
students
 were not able to speak other languages except for
English
, but
this
 figure
dicreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
increased
 in 10 years later
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 merely 10% of them spoke only in
English
.
Additionally
, less than one-fifth of the total proportion were
students
 who were bilingual in 2000, but their
pupulation
Correct your spelling
population
populations
 rose
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 5% in 2010.
Moreover
, almost 15% of pupils were French,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
 figure decreased and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 10% in 2010. Ultimately, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those who spoke another language jumped to 20% in 2010 from 15% in 2000.
Submitted by sarina.chenare78 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words english, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • proficiency
  • linguistic diversity
  • polyglot
  • language acquisition
  • second language (L2)
  • foreign language
  • fluency
  • working knowledge
  • mother tongue
  • language competence
  • language decline
  • cultural exchange
  • global language
What to do next:
Look at other essays: