Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Although
it is thought that
History
is a crucial lesson in school, other people believe that more
focused
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focus
show examples
should be on other
subjects
.
While
history
could be useful for
students
, from my point
view
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of view
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some other fields are more vital.
Such
a mixed blessing requires
further
examination
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
a wider context. On the one hand, it is mistakenly alleged that being aware of former events of a country can generate
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
of pride and
patriot
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patriotism
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in the
students
.
This
assumption claims that having
this
kind of
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
would lead to a great future for that country. One reason for
that is
that they can brainwash the children through
history
lessons and provoke hate and anger
to
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in
show examples
the foreign countries in them, which can,
therefore
, lead to an army of young people who hate their national enemy. Tyrannical regimes,
for example
, use
history
to shape the young’s mind. They teach children that
history
acts like a mirror, and
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
is the reflection of
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
so it is a major field of study. It is just half of the picture;
this
matter should be seen on a broader canvas.
On the other hand
, many individuals think that learning science and technology is much more important and I agree. As we live in the age
technology
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of technology
show examples
, where everything is done through the internet is so vital for children to learn
this
skill at
the
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apply
show examples
school.
This
can greatly contribute to better work performance in the near future, when they want to enter to job market.
Moreover
,
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
of
subjects
are more exciting for
students
than
subjects
like
history
and geography. In conclusion, I can understand why some individuals name
history
as an important school lesson, but, clearly, fresh
subjects
such
as science and technology are, indeed, much more useful.
Submitted by alifarzaneh on

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task achievement
While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, and attempts to address both views, it lacks clear, well-developed examples to support the main points. Providing concrete, relevant examples would enhance the argument and increase the score.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved. While ideas are generally organised, the organisation could be more logical and the connections between ideas clearer. This would improve the coherence of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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