Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. discuss both views and give your opinion.

some people are of the opinion that
,
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apply
show examples
the most essential school
subjects
is
history
. But other people believe that, nowadays some other
subjects
such
as science and
technology
are more important than
history
.
This
assey
Correct your spelling
essay
assay
will discuss two aspects of
this
topic
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
my personal view. On the one hand, it can be
cairtainly
Correct your spelling
certainly
said that
,
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apply
show examples
every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
that is
compulsory in school
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
important. But In my opinion, science and especially
technology
are more practical, and they make us not only
expert
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experts
show examples
but
also
awarness
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aware
. I assume,
Correct word choice
that know
show examples
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
about
efficiency
Add an article
the efficiency
show examples
of
technology
and science is
nessecery
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necessary
,
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apply
show examples
because they contribute to
access
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accessing
show examples
further
important
subject
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subjects
show examples
like medicine that we are needed them of entire
life
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lives
show examples
.
In addition
, advanced
technology
oblige
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obliges
show examples
us to use it for basic needs,
for example
, how should we know about
function
Add an article
the function
show examples
of pills,
defenitely
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definitely
through
Ineternet
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Internet
we
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
find our
question
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questions
show examples
.
As a result
in today's
thechnology-focoused
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technology-focused
Add a comma
word,
show examples
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
we have to know how to use that
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
.
On the other hand
, it would be a point, if we
know
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
about
history
.
whereas
, it is not essential to spend a lot of time to learn about exact
history
. but it has some advantages,
such
as , it will help us to
familiar
Replace the word
familiarise
show examples
with
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves with
show examples
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
each
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of each
show examples
country that
existin
Correct your spelling
exists
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
whole university. and
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
way that we can find our interest in
this
topic and
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
that as a professional career, so it is
plusible
Correct your spelling
plausible
possible
that some people think that it could be essential. In
cunclosion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, as I see,
technology
is by far important
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
history
, because it has a
citical
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critical
role in our life so it is
nessecery
Correct your spelling
necessary
to teach children.
Although
, it would
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
to learn it
along with
history
and other important
subjects
that could make a great impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
our lives.
Submitted by hastytajassosy on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Ideas should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a unique idea. Use linking words to connect your ideas across the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, but they are not clear and lack a strong thesis statement and final summary of your points. The introduction should present the main topic and your opinion, and the conclusion should summarize your discussion and reiterate your stance.
coherence cohesion
Each main point you make needs more support. This can come from a clear explanation, examples from real life, or research data. Strengthen your arguments by providing more evidence and examples.
task achievement
You did manage to address the prompt by discussing both views and giving your opinion. However, your response is superficial and lacks depth. Your writing needs to more directly and explicitly answer the question, providing more detailed reasons for your views.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they are not comprehensive. They could be made clearer through careful organization, using topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, and providing detailed explanations of how your ideas relate to the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific, relevant examples is limited. Including examples that clearly illustrate your point can greatly enhance your essay. Also, it is important that your examples are explicitly linked to the questions being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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