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Band 5.5

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organisation #people
It is often argued that old people are better at leading an organization compared to the young. I personally disagree with
this
 idea since I believe age is not the key to measuring the success of a leader. On the one hand, most people may assume that the old are better at leading an organization regarding of their work experiences and deep understanding. Those main factors are precisely what a community seeks in order to develop its growth.
For instance
, Megawati is chosen to be a chairwoman in one of the Indonesian political parties regarding of her knowledge skills and experiences in the Indonesian political world.
On the other hand
, the creativity and 'relatable with today's society' minds of the young are what
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them excel as leaders compared to the old. In the position where the olds normally tend to have conservative thinking, the young contributed the most as the new and fresh minds for the company.
For example
, these days, various start-up companies in Indonesia choose young people who are under 30 to take high positions,
such
 as Shopee and Lazada.
To conclude
, I disagree with the divided categories of which are the best ages to become a leader. In fact, if both generations were combined, it would be the best way for an organization to succeed in its leading aspect.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction should set out your position clearly, and the conclusion should reiterate this position and summarise your main points. Your ideas were recognisable but could have been more explicitly articulated.
task achievement
Your essay presented a clear position throughout, and you addressed all parts of the task. However, you could enhance your score further by fully developing and extending your ideas. You've provided relevant examples, but your argument would benefit from deeper analysis and elaboration on these examples to more effectively support your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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