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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#results #survey #people #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table and chart below respectively show the consequence of a survey about how many
people
Use synonyms
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
tea
Use synonyms
 or
coffee
Use synonyms
, during
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in five Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Although
Linking Words
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 visited
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
for bought
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drinks during that period time, at least in 4 cities except Adelaide, we have
another results
Replace the adjective
another result
other results
show examples
 about
people
Use synonyms
 who just visited there
for bought
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
instant
Use synonyms
 or fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
. In Melbourne and
Hobart
Add a comma
Hobart,
show examples
 63% of
people
Use synonyms
vistited
Correct your spelling
visited
 for drank
tea
Use synonyms
 or
coffee
Use synonyms
,
However
Linking Words
, after that,
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 shows us that
drank
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Hobalt
Correct your spelling
Hobart
 and Melbourne is more popular than fresh
coffees
Fix the agreement mistake
coffee
show examples
.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 results estimated,
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 Hobalt, 54% of
people
Use synonyms
 paid for
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and just 38% paid for fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks.
Also
Linking Words
 in Melbourne survey outcomes
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
48%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and 43% bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
percentages
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 in Hobalt
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more remarkable.
Likewise
Linking Words
, we have three
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 cities. In Sydney and Brisbane
consume
Verb problem
apply
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
, in order was 61% and 56%,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, In Brisbane 54% of
people
Use synonyms
 bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and merely 34%
keen
Add a missing verb
were keen
show examples
 to buy fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, In Sydney 46% bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and 43%
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
,
Then
Linking Words
,
diversity
Correct article usage
the diversity
show examples
 of consume different drinks in
this
Linking Words
 city is more than
Brisbane
Change preposition
in Brisbane
show examples
. And
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
, we can see
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of Adelaide city that 50% of
people
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
enjoy
drank
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and close to it, 49% bought
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
, in 4
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
weeks and just 34% paid money for fresh
coffees
Fix the agreement mistake
coffee
show examples
.
Submitted by kim on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, tea, coffee, instant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • coffee
  • tea
  • buying habits
  • drinking habits
  • Australian cities
  • consumption
  • respondents
  • regular
  • participants
  • levels
  • observed
  • popular
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