In modern times young adults spending more time with their friends and less time with family. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
In these recent
years
younger individuals tend to spend their Add a comma
years,
time
with friends rather than with family. I strongly believe that most people like to spend time
with something they love, for example
contributing in
Change preposition
to
game
community and social media Add an article
the game
in
close Change preposition
to
age
gap.
First and foremost, there is no denying that technology nowadays contributes a lot Correct article usage
the age
in
different ages from younger Change preposition
to
age
to elder
Correct your spelling
older
age
which guide
society to develop their interest. Change the verb form
guides
Moreover
, digital media platform
facilitate constant connection and interaction among peers and Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
that
is leading
to more Wrong verb form
leads
time
with friends. Furthermore
, parents
definitely have utterly different interests with
their Change preposition
from
children
which makes children
consider to
not having spare Change preposition
apply
time
with parents
. what is more school activities Correct pronoun usage
their parents
also
brings
impact why Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
this
issue cause. increasing academic and extracurricular lead young adults to share similar schedules and interests.
In addition
, activities between generations can make time
with friends, more appealing, because it is more captivating to have same
thoughts Correct article usage
the same
to
what to do. Change preposition
as
For instance
, discussing things about their favorites
Change the spelling
favourites
to
the same Change preposition
at
age
may evaluate their dreams. This
could be a motivation to chase their future aims if there is someone who has some typical journey. Likewise
, when parents
do not have much time
with kids due to
the job they do may lead kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
emotion
to sadness because they have nobody to ensure the Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
children
Change noun form
children's
dream
.
To draw, the conclusion, Correct subject-verb agreement
dreams
parents
should be more pay attention to their children
in order to build good relationship
rather than force them to spend more and more Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
time
at home. There are no benefits if nobody at home who
has great emotions with their Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
. This
problem can bring awkwardness to individuals in the house.Submitted by syifensaft
on
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coherence cohesion
The essay provided a basic structure with identifiable paragraphs, but the organization could be improved. Sentences sometimes seem disconnected and transitions between ideas should be smoother for better logical flow. Consider using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
The essay addressed the topic but the response to the 'why' part of the question was superficial. Refrain from making general statements without backing them up with specific examples. Additionally, the second part of the task requires you to discuss whether parents should force children to spend more time at home. This point was not substantially covered. An examiner will look for a balanced answer that fully explores all parts of the prompt.
