IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

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These days,
while
Linking Words
 some people consider
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 atmosphere essential, most people are satisfied by huge wages, no matter what it is. I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. People know the importance of self-improvement and how the passionate is essential. Why do they ignore the soul of work?
To begin
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 with first important reason
, being
Verb problem
is that
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 any working organization that values you and helps you to be better in your field, helps you to set a new target with a better vision and updated version of yourself.
For instance
Linking Words
, Mazin AL-Salmani the CEO of Muscat Electricity Distribution Company started as an assistant lineman.
In other words
Linking Words
, working in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 environment that helps you to grow and opens the future doors for you helps you to gain many and reputation. Behind that, a great working atmosphere with high-quality achievement makes you feel happy and pleasant. Working
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a project that makes a remarkable difference in any part of the
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 services or even
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 change in the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 income is really sensational.
Such
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 as,
Muscat
Correct article usage
the Muscat
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 Power plant which feeds 28% of Oman needs energy. To illustrate that money is speak of the devil,
while
Linking Words
 the remarkable achievement remains. Quit apart the good mental and physical health that can reflect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your brain and body because you do what you like.
To conclude
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, job satisfaction can play a main part in your life and it can be the reason for getting either wealth or a remarkable touch that remains even if you die

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task achievement
Your essay begins by addressing the topic, but your introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly responds to the task. The argument should be explicitly stated in the introduction, ensuring the reader understands your position immediately. Make sure your introduction sets out the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The main points about job satisfaction and the impact of a positive work environment are present but need further development for clarity. You should aim to expand on these ideas with more detailed explanations and clearer arguments to fully address the task.
task achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments rather than hypothetical or unspecified cases. The example you provided about Mazin AL-Salmani is a good start. However, adding more concrete details would greatly enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a discernible structure, yet transitions between ideas can be improved to aid in the logical flow. Employ a wide range of linking words and phrases to clearly connect your ideas and ensure that the essay progresses smoothly from introduction through to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by cohesive sentences that contribute directly to that idea. This will help maintain a strong, consistent argument throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion of the essay does attempt to summarize the main points, but it could be enhanced by directly referencing the key reasons given throughout the essay for a stronger, more decisive closure. Try to clearly restate your view and the main arguments that support your position in the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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