IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write a letter to your college administration department complaining about the college facility. In your letter, include: • what the problem is • how this problem has affected you • what the college should do to fix this problem Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear/ Madam

#college #administration #department #facility #addresses #madam
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to complain about the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facility. Yesterday, l played football in
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 area campus, but The soccer facility is so bad for
team
Add an article
the team
show examples
. We can not
train
 well because the
grass
 is bad
also
 the
equitments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 is very poor.
Although
 we can
train
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 field, it is not effective for our team. Yesterday, l
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 injured because the
grass
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not uneven. For football
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
, the most important is
grass
, so the
grass
 must be uneven for safety. I think that
ground
Correct article usage
the ground
show examples
 can
fix
Verb problem
be
show examples
firstly
 as soon as possible, so we can
train
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
 and we are not afraid of injury again. I hope the facility can improve
,
Correct word choice
and, team
show examples
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 can
be
Change the verb form
be trained
show examples
train
 well. Thank you Yours faithfully, Andrianto Raharja
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear main idea and expands on it coherently. Avoid introducing multiple points in a single paragraph to maintain focus.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing logical transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the cohesion of the text.
task achievement
While you have attempted to address the task prompts, you need to develop your points more thoroughly. Provide more details, elaboration, and examples where possible.
task achievement
The letter should follow a clear structure with an introduction, development of points, and an appropriate conclusion. The current structure is somewhat confused and doesn't allow each point to be clearly understood and resolved.
task achievement
There are several grammatical and spelling issues present, which detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the letter. Proofreading to correct these errors would greatly improve the letter's quality.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dilapidated
  • inadequate
  • impactful
  • sanitation
  • disruption
  • state-of-the-art
  • rectify
  • maintenance
  • renovation
  • facilitate
  • substandard
  • timely manner
  • conducive to learning
  • health hazard
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