Nowadays, people move from one country to another for work. Some people think children of these families suffer because of this, while others think it is helpful for them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The opinion below discusses how would
children
feel about their family specifically
for
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apply
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parents
who work abroad, far away from
homeland
Correct pronoun usage
their homeland
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. Do they suffer? or Is it good for them to have
Correct article usage
an enermous
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enermous
Correct your spelling
enormous
experience living abroad? First of all, if we talk about
children
, they are living in their golden age.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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means
this
phase of life will determine the rest of their future and how it will going to be. Other than cognitive
skill
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skills
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, behavioral skills like adaptation and communication
bring
Verb problem
are
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the most important ways to shape how kids behave. Living abroad with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
atmosphere,
languange
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language
, time different, and people
especially
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, especially
show examples
with
bunch
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a bunch
show examples
of different races and religions, is not an easy way to teach them. Of course, some scientists already conducted research that
children
are more adaptive than adults. Their brain
still
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are still
show examples
fresh, so every
knowledge
Correct quantifier usage
piece of knowledge
show examples
will be perfectly absorbed by them. If
parents
know how to teach their kids all the new things when living abroad with
Correct article usage
a beautiful
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beautiful
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a beautiful
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point of view, I
belive
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believe
show examples
Correct determiner usage
these
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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children
will be well-adapted and far from suffering.
Second,
while
the
parents
busy
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are busy
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teaching and
conduct
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conducting
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induction to their beloved,
children
would be really happy to receive all new
informations
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information
pieces of information
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, since the
young-aged
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young
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love all new things I
supposed
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suppose
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. I believe with the right type of early years education,
children
would be really benefited
to follow
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from following
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their
parents
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parent's
parents'
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work overseas
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
it is worth enough to give some kind of
introuction
Correct your spelling
introduction
to our child where everything is totally
difference
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different
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compared to our home.
Besides
, not only educating them
which
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apply
show examples
make
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makes
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it
precious
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a precious
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moment, but
also
the memory that our child will bring forever. The memory always be the
last
resource to rely on.
Thus
,
to sum
up
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up,
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what I already discussed above, I believe the
children
who follow their families moving abroad will get
something
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some
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luck
of
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from
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
experiences. Rather than stand on how suffering or how helpful it is for them
Submitted by aghnia.ulhaq on

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task achievement
You need to align your essay more closely with the prompt, addressing both views with equal weight before providing your own opinion. As it stands, the essay leans heavily toward one view without sufficiently discussing the opposing perspective, which is necessary to fully satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and a definitive conclusion. You should explicitly present both views in the introduction and state your opinion directly. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the discussion and restate your stance, leaving the reader with a final thought that reflects the essay's overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and transition between ideas need to be improved. Your essay's ideas are not presented in a coherent, flowing manner. Make use of topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and use cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and clearer explanations. While you touch on various issues, the evidence provided is too general and lacks depth. By incorporating more detailed examples and analyzing these in relation to the question, your essay can be strengthened significantly.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and sentence structures that could impede clarity. While some creativity in language use can be advantageous, it should not come at the expense of readability and accurate communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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