IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash.All payments may have to be mafe by card or using phones. Do yoy think this will happen one day? Why fo you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash ?

Using cards and phones
instead
Linking Words
 of
cash
Use synonyms
payments
Use synonyms
 has been developed
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 recent decades. The simplicity of utilizing new technologies like
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and cards,
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to substitute their shopping methods. Developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these features may lead to
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using
cash
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 some groups are not satisfied with the subject,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
technology will proceed
its
Change preposition
in its
show examples
 way and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 individuals adapt themselves. First of all, the excessive usage of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and online deals, need appropriate payment methods which could support them. So through these facts and
also
Linking Words
 by
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 increase in online deals,
people
Use synonyms
 change their habits and alternate
cash
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 new
e-card
Fix the agreement mistake
e-cards
show examples
 and online
payments
Use synonyms
. The positive points of the new method like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
show examples
 way of carrying it along and diminishing the chance of being rubbed and
also
Linking Words
 sometimes the possibility of using it in different countries make
people
Use synonyms
 appreciate these new ways of payment and avoid using
cash
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
. Another reason
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that online
payments
Use synonyms
 and using cards will
grow
Verb problem
increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transparency in society and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could trace
money
Use synonyms
 transition, so fewer
people
Use synonyms
 could avoid legal
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 and the possibility of
achieving
Verb problem
obtaining
show examples
 illegal
money
Use synonyms
 and using it will diminish.
In addition
Linking Words
, future technologies like
self- drive
Correct your spelling
self-driving
show examples
taxies
Correct your spelling
taxis
show examples
 and robotic restaurants or cafes need basic features which are adaptable
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these technologies and there will be no other choice unless
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 using electronic
Use synonyms
payments
Change the noun form
payment
show examples
 methods. There is a common truth in society which shows not every member of it will accept or appreciate changes.
Also
Linking Words
 getting used to new habits is not a convenient factor. The first group who could resist substituting
cash
Use synonyms
payments
Use synonyms
 with other new ways will be
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 generation , through their age and
also
Linking Words
 years of using a familiar method of payment, it would not be easy for them to change themselves and learn a new item .The other group will be the ones who try to decline their legal taxes or those who earn
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
 through illegal activities . Because online
payments
Use synonyms
 could lead to a growing transparency,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
those
people
Use synonyms
 who earn illegal
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
show examples
 may not appreciate new procedures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 paying . In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some minority groups who resist the new alternative paying systems,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
with all the positive points which
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 paying system occurred to us, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
the changes inevitable gradually.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, though transitions could be smoother. Ensure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next by using cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, providing an adequate understanding of the topic and the writer's position. However, these could be enhanced by more directly addressing the question prompt and clearly stating the thesis in the introduction while summarizing the main points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are broadly supported with explanations, but they would benefit from more varied and specific examples to bolster the argument. Develop each point with detailed illustrations that closely relate to the topic.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt, but there is room to explore the implications of a cashless society in more depth. Exact requirements of the task should be fulfilled, including a balanced discussion on why some may find it hard to transition to non-cash payment methods.
task achievement
Ideas are articulated clearly and are generally comprehensive, but strive for greater clarity by explicitly linking them back to the question. Additionally, complexity and sophistication of thought will add depth to the analysis presented.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant but require more specificity to convincingly support the argument. Use concrete examples supported by data or real-world scenarios whenever possible to increase the strength of your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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