Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #kinds #jobs

It is clear that

working as

military

Correct article usage

a military

show examples

force

require

Change the verb form

requires

show examples

a lot of energy and endurance.

While

some people agree that

women

should get an equal amount of

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

as men, others believe that

this

is not a proper job for

women

. In

this

essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and give my view. On the one hand, one justification given is to become a soldier, people need great physical stamina and men kind have it more than

women

. To illustrate

this

diference

Correct your spelling

difference

, biologically men are stronger than

women

This

is an issue for

women

because most of their daily basis will be

fight

Wrong verb form

spent fighting

show examples

and

catch

Wrong verb form

catching

show examples

the enemies, and they have to deal with a ton of physical and mental exercise.

Consequently

, our society still

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

Add an article

a skeptical

show examples

skeptical

Change the spelling

sceptical

show examples

mindset towards the

women

in military force.

However

, the main reason females should treated equally is they have sharp strategy and intuition. These talents are very paramount in the force since they

could sensing

Wrong verb form

can sense

show examples

the dangers and

create

Verb problem

make

show examples

mindful decisions.

For example

, using their analytical thinking and sensing ability, they could predict 10 steps

further

, and how to handle sudden situations.

In contrast

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

are not an intuitive kind, but

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

logic

instead

. Evidently, females have their own

strength

Fix the agreement mistake

strengths

show examples

, in fact, those abilities play an important role

to make

Change preposition

in making

show examples

strategy in the team. In conclusion,

although

males are stronger physically, females are a paramount aspect because of

intuitive

Correct pronoun usage

their intuitive

show examples

personality.

Therefore

, I am firmly convinced that

lady

Correct article usage

a lady

show examples

can become a great soldier and ought to

be treat

Change the verb form

be treated

show examples

fairly.

Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on Fri Jan 05 2024

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Task Achievement

For Task Achievement, it's crucial to fully develop your arguments with specific examples or data to support them. The response should answer all parts of the task with well-explained ideas and clear progression throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, use a range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensure paragraphs and sentences are ordered logically. Aim for clarity in the progression of ideas and maintain a clear central topic within each paragraph.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

equality
stereotypes
diversity
physical prowess
discrimination
negotiation skills
gender roles
morale
integrated forces
equal opportunities
unit cohesion
combat effectiveness
bias
harassment
meritocracy
transformative
empowerment

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Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs ( for example, working for a charity , improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children.

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people view conflict between teenagers and parents as a necessary part of growing up, while others view it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Millions off dollars arre spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standard on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,more people would rather purchase food than cook at home.What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?