he bar chart below the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart provides information on the
percentage
of Australian men’s and women’s Daily physical exercise in 2010. It can be clearly seen that the
Correct article usage
apply
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
for
Change preposition
aged
age
55 to 64 was
the highest Verb problem
had
percentage
of daily exercise activity
To begin
with, the percentage
of men doing daily exercise activity for the youngest age
(15 to 24), was just over 52 percent
, but it plummeted to just over 42 Change the spelling
per cent
percent
in Change the spelling
per cent
group
of Add an article
a group
the group
age
25 to 34. This
figure continued
fall slightly under 40 Add the particle
continued to
percent
for the productive Change the spelling
per cent
age
. However
there was a Add a comma
However,
gradually
increase to just over 43 Change the word
gradual
percent
(45 to 54 years
old), 45 percent
(55 to 64 years
old) 46 percent
(55 to 64 years
old) respectively.
Secondly
, the percentage
for the youngest women (15 to 24) was over 47 percent
and it continued growth
slightly for Wrong verb form
to grow
age
25 to 34 to just over 48 Fix the agreement mistake
ages
percent
. The percentage
of 35 to 44 year old
rose significantly to just over 52 Add a hyphen
44-year-old
percent
, and the 45 to 54 group of Change the spelling
per cent
age
reach
its Wrong verb form
reached
peaks
at 53.3 Fix the agreement mistake
peak
percentage
. Replace the word
per cent
However
, the percentage
of 55 to 64 years
old remained steady at 53 percent
. There was a Change the spelling
per cent
declined
for 65 and over Replace the word
decline
age
to just over 46 percent
.Change the spelling
per cent
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, percent, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼