Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Some food and drink
products
are added
a lot of sweeteners which Wrong verb form
add
lead
to plenty of unhealthy issues. Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
People
tends
to consume less sugary Change the verb form
tend
products
if the prices
of goods are
increase. I strongly disagree with Unnecessary verb
apply
this
assumption. This
essay will evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of adding the prices
to those merchandises
and Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
also
my own opinion.
On the one hand, a group of people
think that increasing the sugary goods’s prices
cannot convince ones
to consume Correct your spelling
one
lesser
sweets. There are two combination reasons for Correct word choice
fewer
this
group of people
. Firstly
, they are not pricing sensitive person
so they have money power to spend on high-rate Fix the agreement mistake
people
products
. Secondly
, they are not concern
about Wrong verb form
concerned
health
conditions which are related to their consumption at all. They do not realise about
the unhealthy problems Change preposition
apply
from
consuming too much sweet food and drinks. When they are Change preposition
of
addict
to sweeteners, they consume those sweet stuff anyway without consideration of Wrong verb form
addicted
prices
.
On the other hand
, there is another group of people
who think that higher prices
of sugary products
can decrease the amount of the
consumption. Correct article usage
apply
Prices
are matter
for some Add an article
a matter
people
since they concern
about their money Wrong verb form
concerned
spending
Replace the word
spent
for
all daily expenses. Change preposition
on
As a result
, they tend to choose the reasonable price products
rather than expensive ones. For instance
, if the price of soda doubles the price of milk, people
will choose to purchase healthy milk more. In this
case, the consuming number
of unhealthy Replace the word
consumption
products
will be lesser which leads to lower health
issues such
as overweight, diabetes, and other illnesses.
In conclusion, in my point of view, the greatest wealth is health
. Money cannot buy healthiness so the best way for people
to avoid from
sickness is Change preposition
apply
consuming
less sugary Change the verb form
to consume
merchandises
no matter how much the Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
prices
are. On top of that, I reckon preventing unhealthiness is better than curing sickness. Healthy requires lesser health
maintenance costs and also
provides better
standard of living for strong Add an article
a better
people
.Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on
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task achievement
Use a clear introduction that presents your opinion on the matter succinctly, indicating whether you agree or disagree with the premise.
task achievement
Ensure that the conclusion reflects on the arguments presented and restates your opinion, providing a clear summation of your stance.
task achievement
Expand upon your ideas with specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help substantiate your claims and demonstrate a wider understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Adopt a logical structure for your essay by clearly dividing it into paragraphs with individual themes. Each paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting information.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth with appropriate use of linking words and phrases to ensure the reader can follow the development of ideas without confusion.
coherence cohesion
For a more developed essay, add an introduction and conclusion if they are missing; they are fundamental to structuring your argument effectively. The introduction sets the stage for what is to come, and the conclusion ties everything together, reinforcing your position.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example