Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Some food and drink
products
Use synonyms
are added
a lot of sweeteners which Wrong verb form
add
lead
to plenty of unhealthy issues. Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
People
Use synonyms
tends
to consume less sugary Change the verb form
tend
products
if the Use synonyms
prices
of goods Use synonyms
are
increase. I strongly disagree with Unnecessary verb
apply
this
assumption. Linking Words
This
essay will evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of adding the Linking Words
prices
to those Use synonyms
merchandises
and Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
also
my own opinion.
On the one hand, a group of Linking Words
people
think that increasing the sugary goods’s Use synonyms
prices
cannot convince Use synonyms
ones
to consume Correct your spelling
one
lesser
sweets. There are two combination reasons for Correct word choice
fewer
this
group of Linking Words
people
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, they are not pricing sensitive Linking Words
person
so they have money power to spend on high-rate Fix the agreement mistake
people
products
. Use synonyms
Secondly
, they are not Linking Words
concern
about Wrong verb form
concerned
health
conditions which are related to their consumption at all. They do not realise Use synonyms
about
the unhealthy problems Change preposition
apply
from
consuming too much sweet food and drinks. When they are Change preposition
of
addict
to sweeteners, they consume those sweet stuff anyway without consideration of Wrong verb form
addicted
prices
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, there is another group of Linking Words
people
who think that higher Use synonyms
prices
of sugary Use synonyms
products
can decrease the amount of Use synonyms
the
consumption. Correct article usage
apply
Prices
are Use synonyms
matter
for some Add an article
a matter
people
since they Use synonyms
concern
about their money Wrong verb form
concerned
spending
Replace the word
spent
for
all daily expenses. Change preposition
on
As a result
, they tend to choose the reasonable price Linking Words
products
rather than expensive ones. Use synonyms
For instance
, if the price of soda doubles the price of milk, Linking Words
people
will choose to purchase healthy milk more. In Use synonyms
this
case, the Linking Words
consuming number
of unhealthy Replace the word
consumption
products
will be lesser which leads to lower Use synonyms
health
issues Use synonyms
such
as overweight, diabetes, and other illnesses.
In conclusion, in my point of view, the greatest wealth is Linking Words
health
. Money cannot buy healthiness so the best way for Use synonyms
people
to avoid Use synonyms
from
sickness is Change preposition
apply
consuming
less sugary Change the verb form
to consume
merchandises
no matter how much the Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
prices
are. On top of that, I reckon preventing unhealthiness is better than curing sickness. Healthy requires lesser Use synonyms
health
maintenance costs and Use synonyms
also
provides Linking Words
better
standard of living for strong Add an article
a better
people
.Use synonyms
Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on
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task achievement
Use a clear introduction that presents your opinion on the matter succinctly, indicating whether you agree or disagree with the premise.
task achievement
Ensure that the conclusion reflects on the arguments presented and restates your opinion, providing a clear summation of your stance.
task achievement
Expand upon your ideas with specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help substantiate your claims and demonstrate a wider understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Adopt a logical structure for your essay by clearly dividing it into paragraphs with individual themes. Each paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting information.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth with appropriate use of linking words and phrases to ensure the reader can follow the development of ideas without confusion.
coherence cohesion
For a more developed essay, add an introduction and conclusion if they are missing; they are fundamental to structuring your argument effectively. The introduction sets the stage for what is to come, and the conclusion ties everything together, reinforcing your position.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example