IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones
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Today, we are living in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 era of high technology, where people engage in their daily activities using various machines
such
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 as smartphones, coffee machines, and other devices. Technology is advancing rapidly day by day, prompting innovative minds to invest their expertise in creating beneficial tools like tap cards and applications, which serve as our payment methods for shopping. In 2021, people began adopting these payment methods, utilizing barcodes to scan at the cashier and seamlessly pay for their purchases in shopping
centers
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centres
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.
This
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 trend is rapidly gaining momentum and marks a promising start for the 5.0 society era. The positive aspect of
this
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 technological investment is that individuals can effortlessly handle their payments without direct interaction with cashiers.
However
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, there are notable challenges. Older individuals who may not be familiar with
this
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 technology may feel confused and require assistance from others.
Additionally
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, they might spend more time navigating these systems compared to those who opt for cashless payment methods.
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task achievement
While the essay presents some relevant ideas, the response could be improved by developing a clearer position in response to the question about whether cashless payments will eventually replace cash. The essay should also delve into why some might resist this change, as the question prompts.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay should be improved for enhanced clarity. Start with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your stance, followed by body paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph. Avoid deviating from the main topic and confirm that each sentence contributes to the paragraph's main point. Conclude with a summary that reiterates your position and the key points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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