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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
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The graphs present the
changing
Wrong verb form
changes in
show examples
 both
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 by education level from 2002 to 2010. It clearly sees that the use of computers has increased steadily from 53
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2002 to 75
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010, with a rise in a
couple
Add the preposition
couple of
show examples
 years shown in the graph. When considering the use of computers in the different levels of education, it showed that lower educational level has a smaller number of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 about 13
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2002 and 38
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010 for no high school diploma people, which showed far much lower than high school graduate people.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
computer
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ownership
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 has climbed steeply to 75
percent
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 in 2002 and 90
percent
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 for those who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 postgraduate degrees.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the postgraduate persons are the most own
computer
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. So, it can be concluded that higher educational degrees have more likely increased the number of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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