IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, and water etc) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

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It is true that these days, Natural
Use synonyms
resources
Change the noun form
resource
show examples
 overuse is a serious and challenging problem. There are lots of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
, with suitable measures to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 resource over-consumption phenomenon.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main factor blamed for
this
Linking Words
 issue is industrialization and modernization causing the high exploitation needs. Especially, people use produce-electricity fuels
such
Linking Words
 as fossil fuels, coal which cannot be reused.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a fact that rapid population growth leads to increased demand for essential household energy.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
China, the country has not only the
second highest
Add a hyphen
second-highest
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 population and industry in the world but
also
Linking Words
 the world's highest oil consumer.
As a result
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, the
resources
Use synonyms
 would
also
Linking Words
 be excessively exploited for business purposes.
In addition
Linking Words
, the over-exploit forests which are valuable
resources
Use synonyms
 for the medical field are being utilized extremely for agriculture.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to the extinction of many wild species and
also
Linking Words
 cause natural disasters
such
Linking Words
 as floods and droughts. Measures should be taken in order to deal with
this
Linking Words
 severe problem. One possible solution is that the government should focus on investing
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 using renewable
resources
Use synonyms
 consisting of hydroelectric, wind and solar energy.
As people
Correct word choice
People
show examples
 can reduce
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dependence
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fossil fuel
harness
Fix the agreement mistake
harnesses
show examples
 and the hazardous emission of gasses or fumes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, electric motorbikes and cars
such
Linking Words
 as Vinfast have
also
Linking Words
 been produced, contributing to a step forward in the use of renewable energy in Vietnam.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the Government
also
Linking Words
 should bring out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forest-protect policies which put the levels of punishments for deforestation without permission from competent authorities. In conclusion, the depletion of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 is a human problem that needs to be resolved.
However
Linking Words
, it can hardly be addressed by only the government's work. It takes a great deal of effort from both the authority and individuals.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically follows the previous one, using clear topic sentences and a variety of linking words.
coherence cohesion
Work on a clear and consistent structure with a distinct introduction, fully developed body paragraphs, and an effective conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure you develop your main points fully with explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task promptly, ensuring that you provide a balanced approach to causes and solutions.
task achievement
Aim to present ideas clearly and develop them sufficiently with specific details and examples.
task achievement
Provide more precise examples and explanations that are directly linked to the main points being discussed.
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