Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
nowadays have their own reason to find the most
suit
Correct your spelling
suitable
show examples
job
for themself.
While
society believes that
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
should give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
satisfaction
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
workers, I stand with those that
job
stability
is more important. Regarding
job
satisfaction
, it is a good foundation to keep productive for some
people
. When individuals
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
equaly with their salary, have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
roles, good leaders and get
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
achievement and
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
as
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
expected, all could improve worker
satisfaction
.
However
, all of those
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
are may hard to find, to have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
ideal working environment as
people
expected.
Moreover
, working on those could get in start-up companies which have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
flexible working culture.
However
,
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
of companies are at risk and not sustainable. To illustrate, in Indonesia workers who work in
start-up
Fix the agreement mistake
start-ups
show examples
could achieve
job
satisfiction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
because of
dynamic
Correct article usage
the dynamic
show examples
working atmosphere. But lately, one-by-one start-up companies in Indonesia are closed because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of capital. In terms of
stable
Add an article
a stable
show examples
job
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe is a good foundation for
long-term
Add an article
a long-term
show examples
career.
Stabled
Add an article
The stabled
A stabled
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
usually can be found at
well-establish
Add an article
a well-establish
the well-establish
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
or government bodies,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
both of
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
Change preposition
of organization
show examples
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
have a big structure, good corporate governance and going
concren
Correct your spelling
concern
. Despite of working in
stable
Add an article
a stable
the stable
show examples
company is sometimes boring and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a lot of
birocracy
Correct your spelling
bureaucracy
, it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
several advantages
such
as less
worried
Replace the word
worry
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
layoff
Fix the agreement mistake
layoffs
show examples
and
fix
Wrong verb form
fixed
show examples
income every month.
Therefore
, if
people
have a low risk appetite for
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
then
job
stability
is
thing
Add an article
a thing
the thing
show examples
to consider.
For instance
,
people
who work as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
civil servants are more stable at
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
because they
are already have
Change the verb form
already have
show examples
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
and their presence is essential to
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
the government service. In conclusion,
job
satisfaction
can be one factor
to find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
a
job
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that
job
stability
is more necessary.
Therefore
, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that
job
stability
as
main
Correct article usage
a main
show examples
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
is a wiser decision.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay requires a more coherent logical structure. It is vital to present ideas clearly and ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next. Consider using linking words more effectively to introduce contrast, additional points, and to conclude your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more effective. Both should clearly state the topic of the essay, the main points of discussion, and your opinion. Make sure the conclusion does not introduce new arguments and succinctly summaries your prior points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points need better support with specific examples and developed arguments. Each paragraph should explore a main idea with evidence or examples that are directly related to the topic. Avoid general statements.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt given. A complete response includes discussing both sides of the issue and clearly stating your opinion. It appears the discussion is somewhat unbalanced and could use more detail, especially concerning the perspective you disagree with.
Task Achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. Elaborate on your points to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Ideas should be fully developed and explained with a focus on how they relate to the question prompt.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This strengthens your argument and shows a concrete understanding of the topic. The examples given are not sufficiently detailed and do not enhance the clarity of your argument.

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