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Writing Samples
Band 1

teh process of water production in the factory diagram task 1

#teh #process #water #production #factory
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The diagram illustrates the process of producing carbonated drinks.
Overall
, the entire process consists of five stages starting with
water
 cleaning, before ending with packaging and shipping it to the supermarket.
First,
in
stage
 one, the raw
water
 is filtered
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 undergoing
further
 cleaning with
water
Add an article
a water
show examples
 softener and
then
 chemicals. After the
water
 is pumped,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stage
 two
started
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 with
water
 heat evaporation by electric heaters. Once
this
 step is accomplished, the
water
 is passed through
cooling
Correct article usage
a cooling
show examples
 pipe and
then
 carbon dioxide is added. In the next
stage
, carbonated
water
 is delivered through small pipes to the mixing tank through which additional flavour, syrup and colouring
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 mixed, before filtering
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
out.
Then
, during
stage
 four the
water
 is filtered and filled into separate bottles and cans.
Finally
, the end products are packed in boxes and dispatched out for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
delivery to supermarkets.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct. While you provided an overall summary at the beginning, a definitive conclusion summarizing the process or emphasizing its significance was missing. This could improve the impact of your essay by providing a closure.
relevant specific examples
While the essay does describe the process, it lacks detailed examples and data to illustrate the steps in the production, such as specific chemicals used, temperatures achieved during heating, or proportions of the ingredients mixed. Including such details can give a fuller understanding of the process.
supported main points
The main points need to be better supported by linking them explicitly to the stages and explaining the transitions. Consider connecting stages using transitional phrases and clarifying how each step results in the next. This can improve the logical flow of your essay.
complete response
You have provided a mostly complete response to the task with a clear overview and description of the stages. To improve, ensure that each stage of the process is fully described. For example, details of 'water softener' and 'heat evaporation' processes can be elaborated.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've given a general description of the process but can do better in clearly explaining the purpose and method of each stage. Make sure to define technical terms (such as 'water softener') and explain their role in the process for a more comprehensive understanding.
logical structure
The logical sequence of your essay is generally clear, but transitions between stages could be smoother. Use more varied and clear connective words to guide the reader through the essay's progression more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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