IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society? You should write at least 250 words.

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
There is no doubt that these days
students
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
start
Add the particle
start to
show examples
 ignore taking science subjects in
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in different countries. The question is, what are the causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 problem? In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the reasons and effects of not enough
students
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 science subjects. There are more reasons
that's
Change the verb form
that are
that have
show examples
 related to
this
 problem. Some of them are
for example
 the new laws in science colleges about the credit for each
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
 and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 relationship with their amounts. To illustrate, some scientific courses are very hard and have 4
credit
Fix the agreement mistake
credits
show examples
, so if the
students
 fail,
then
 their GPA will
affected
Change the verb form
be affected
show examples
 negatively to be nearest to the risk.
Moreover
, the way of
prepare
Change the verb form
preparing
show examples
 tests for
this
 type of
materials
Fix the agreement mistake
material
show examples
 is
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
.
In other words
, it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 complex with specific strategies.
As well
Rephrase
Also
show examples
, the doctors of these courses have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideas of the topics but they can't reach what they want
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
students
, because
limited
Change preposition
of limited
show examples
 sources and technology. Since, every cause has an effect,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these
cuases
Correct your spelling
causes
cases
 make the
students
 don't choose
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of topics.
This
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a big gap
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 careers. In other
wors
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
, a lot of jobs are scientific.
For example
, doctor,
engneering
Correct your spelling
engineering
, mathematics and so on, so the community will lose these jobs and
experienceses
Correct your spelling
experiences
 from their young.
This
 is because
students
Add a missing verb
are frustruction
show examples
frustruction
Correct your spelling
frustration
frustrations
 with each other and the absence of
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 courses in universities. In conclusion, it is evident that a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 number of
students
 who choose scientific topics, will not be enough to cover
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 needs, so ministries of
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 education must ensure steps are taken to prevent
this
 phenomenon from deteriorating
further
.
Submitted by bader.salem2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is difficult for the reader to follow your line of reasoning due to frequent grammatical errors and incomplete ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are present, but also focus on making them more impactful by clearly summarizing your position and the main points of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear explanations and relevant examples. This will help the reader understand and be persuaded by your arguments.
task achievement
While you have attempted to respond to the task, your response is incomplete and your ideas are not expressed clearly. Work on developing each point with more detail and depth.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and coherence in your writing by organizing your ideas comprehensively. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments where appropriate. Avoid general statements that do not directly relate to the task prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • promotion
  • opportunities
  • role models
  • lucrative
  • employment
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal norms
  • access to information
  • technological stagnation
  • shortage
  • skilled professionals
  • innovation
  • healthcare sector
  • workforce
  • global competitiveness
  • advancements
  • economic growth
  • public health services
  • environmental sciences
  • combat climate change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: