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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of males and females teachers in six types of educational settings in The UK in 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of males and females teachers in six types of educational settings in The UK in 2010.
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the bar chart
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us information about the
femals
Correct your spelling
female
females
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 male educators in six
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of educational settings in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
England in during
2010
Change the article
the 2010
show examples
 year .
overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 in
pre-
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and primary
school
Use synonyms
 at the highest level in 2010
Add the comma(s)
, by contrast,
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by contrast
Linking Words
Change preposition
to
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 academics in pre-
school
Use synonyms
 at the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 .
however
Linking Words
 number of
men
Use synonyms
educatore
Correct your spelling
educators
educator
 in
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 more than
women
Use synonyms
 teacher at the same place . regards to
women
Use synonyms
instractors
Correct your spelling
instructors
,in pre
shcool
Correct your spelling
school
 and nursery
school
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 and primary
school
Use synonyms
 as well the pre cent of
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 at the top which was slightly below %100 .
Although
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the
show examples
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in secondary
school
Use synonyms
 was below %60 . femal educators were enrolled in college and private
school
Use synonyms
 by just %40
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
moreover
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
ot
Correct your spelling
at
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University at the lowest
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
compering
Verb problem
compared
show examples
 to
other educational setting
Change the wording
another educational setting
other educational settings
show examples
. refers to
men
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
male educators
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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were not interested
to join
Change preposition
in joining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pre-
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and primary
school
Use synonyms
du
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of them
Add a missing verb
being
show examples
lowest than any other
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
,
moreover
Linking Words
Add an article
a
the
show examples
number of
men
Use synonyms
 at the
secondery
Correct your spelling
secondary
,
college
Add an article
the college
show examples
also
Linking Words
Add an article
a
show examples
college that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have enrolled
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around %45
perentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 .futhermore in university man
instractos
Correct your spelling
instructors
instructor
two
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more than
women
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, women, teachers, school, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • educational settings
  • primary education
  • secondary education
  • further education
  • higher education
  • adult education
  • specialist education
  • dominance
  • balanced ratio
  • non-traditional roles
  • trends
  • percentage
  • male teachers
  • female teachers
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • statistical data
  • demographics
  • workforce composition
  • gender disparities
  • graph interpretation
  • educational workforce
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