Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

Higher
education
is necessary to develop the knowledge which students want to focus on. Some
people
believe that it is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
important factor to have a good career. Meanwhile, others argue that having more experience and
softskills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
soft-skills
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
way
more important.
While
some
people
argue that practical experience and
skills
are better, I side with those who believe that
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree is the best
way
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
a good career. College offers some focus that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
linked to some
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
that can not be obtained without attending formal
education
. Most of the
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
in STEM
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
important to h materials and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
have the basic knowledge based on studying the theories that
people
should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
understand before going into
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
working
system
Change the noun form
systems
show examples
,
such
as engineering, medical science, and others. In that
way
, no experiences can be done over completing the formal
education
, as they should be able to know the foundation that can
be implement
Change the verb form
be implemented
show examples
in their job later on.
Furthermore
, attending
university
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to develop the soft
skills
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
needed in the professional world
besides
practical
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
. Many higher-ups
also
have more intention to hire
university
graduates
instead
of those who have not completed the formal degree
due to
these reasons.
Firstly
, there are many opportunities that help students
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
familiarize themselves
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
how
Correct word choice
what
show examples
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
it
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
like before getting
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
such
organizations
Change preposition
as organizations
show examples
and
committee
Fix the agreement mistake
committees
show examples
.
Secondly
,
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
also
teaches
people
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to interact and collaborate with
people
as type of the assignment given
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
mostly done in groups which is highly relevant to some basic soft
skills
in real-life working
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
such
as teamwork and leadership.
Lastly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finishing the formal
education
shows how diligent they are and ready to contribute years as professionals. To summarize,
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having experience and
softskills
Correct your spelling
skills
is necessary to get
a better employment options
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better employment option
better employment options
show examples
,
college
Add an article
a college
show examples
degree is crucial as a
way
to prove
applicants
Change preposition
to applicants
show examples
that they not only have the
skills
needed but
also
carry proper knowledge before entering the working system.
Submitted by pink panther on

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Task Response
Ensure that the introduction provides a clearer outline of the essay structure and that the thesis statement is definitive and concise.
Task Response
Expanding on the examples provided with more detailed explanation or real-world scenarios would enhance argument strength and relevance.
Coherence Cohesion
Strive for a better organization of ideas and paragraphs to ensure there is a clear progression from one point to the next.
Task Response
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and provides a clear final opinion.
Coherence Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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