The wealth of a nation is said to depend on the health of its citizens. Yet, in the modern knowledge-based economies of the world, education is more and more being seen as the main force in the development of all countries. In what extent do you agree or disagree?

#wealth #nation #health #citizens #knowledge-based #economies #world #education #force #development #countries

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There is an opinion that says the

wealth

of a country depends on its

citizens

Change to a genitive case

citizen's

citizens'

show examples

healthiness

Replace the word

health

show examples

However

, the newest economic paradigm perceived that

education

plays the main role in the development of all countries. I strongly agree with the latter statement since

education

can create a better generation to create

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sustainable

wealth

as well as

make a healthier society.

This

essay will shed some light on

this

issue and the writer's point of view.

Firstly

, educating

people

is the most effective way to improve

people

's quality of life since many will have a bigger picture about how they should live their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

in a better way.

For example

, the governor of West Nusa Tenggara, Indonesia has been giving a scholarship for their

people

to study abroad in whatever major they would like to have.

In several

Change preposition

Several

show examples

years later, it is proven that those graduates can create innovations for their hometown and improve the province's GDP.

This

Change the article

apply

show examples

clear

prove

Replace the word

proof

show examples

that

education

can lead to wealthiness in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

not only for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

educated

people

but

also

Change preposition

for

show examples

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

surroundings.

Secondly

, by being exposed to more knowledge, individuals can create

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthier

circumtances

Correct your spelling

circumstances

since they comprehensively acknowledge

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

what leads to a better quality of life. To illustrate

this

, some developing countries which

having

Change the form of the verb

have

show examples

a stunting problems recently

increasing

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

the number of

campaign

Fix the agreement mistake

campaigns

show examples

against stunting. They give information to pregnant

mom

Fix the agreement mistake

moms

show examples

about the cause and effect of stunting.

As a result

this

has been effectively declining the stunting cases, not only for

those educated mom

Change the determiner

that educated mom

those educated moms

show examples

but

also

for their future generation. It stands a reason,

therefore

, the more healthy the society is, the more they can afford

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

wealthyness

Correct your spelling

wealth

. To recapitulate it, I personally support the idea that

education

Correct your spelling

show examples

the main aspect that leads to

nation's

Correct article usage

a nation's

show examples

wealth

because it creates a continuous

wealth

generation

while

at the same time fostering the individuals' health.

Submitted by maukaburtubel on Sat Jan 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents an acceptable logical structure but can benefit from clearer transitions and a more explicit delineation between main points for improved readability and flow. Consider using varied transition phrases to guide the reader through the arguments more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened. A stronger thesis statement in the introduction and a more decisive restatement of the main arguments in the conclusion would enhance their effectiveness.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are supported, but to improve, include more detailed examples and substantiate claims with data or references where possible to add depth to your analysis.

task achievement

You have addressed the task directly, indicating a clear position regarding the topic. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that the essay addresses the prompt comprehensively. This includes fully exploring all parts of the statement and question. Aim for a balanced argument that weighs both sides, even when your opinion is strong.

task achievement

Your ideas are relevant, but they could be more clearly and comprehensively articulated. Work on developing each point with more precision and clarity. Avoid general statements and aim for specific, focused arguments and descriptions.

task achievement

You've provided examples, which is good. To improve, ensure these are both relevant and specific. Real-world statistics, studies, or case studies lend credibility to your arguments and illustrate your points more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

wealth
nation
citizens
health
education
knowledge-based economies
development
force
agree
disagree
vital role
progress
interconnected
influence
investing
improved outcomes
acquire
skills
workforce
economic growth
participate
promotes
innovation
technological advancements
address
challenges
balanced investment
essential

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The wealth of a nation is said to depend on the health of its citizens. Yet, in the modern knowledge-based economies of the world, education is more and more being seen as the main force in the development of all countries. In what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Spending money on luxury items or special occasions is very expensive. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?