Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

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It is argued that every country should have obligatory military

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

for both men and women high school graduates. I completely disagree with

this

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opinion and think that it is better for

people

Use synonyms

to choose what they want to do in life. First of all, I suppose that

military

Correct article usage

the military

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field is not everyone's passion. Military service requires

people

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to have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

great stamina and a strong physique,

while

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not all

people

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enjoy doing the activities. There are various areas of jobs that emphasize

Change preposition

apply

show examples

different abilities,

such

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as art, education, culinary, engineering, etc.

For instance

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, a psychologist is not likely to find

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apply

show examples

enjoyment

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show examples

being

Change preposition

in an

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

army because in the psychology

world

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world,

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it is more important to execute an emotional approach rather than

physical

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a physical

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attack. That's why it is necessary for

people

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to choose their selected field.

Secondly

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, ordering all citizens to be armies

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

a sense of enforcement from the country. There will be a law that the nation made which regulates the

people

Use synonyms

's responsibility to be a part of military aid. It is a possibility that when someone refuses to join the program, they are considered to be against the rule.

This

Linking Words

is not in line with the freedom of choice of

human

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humans

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For example

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, men in South Korea will be

prisoned

Verb problem

imprisoned

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if they do not participate in the armed

force

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forces

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. The punishment given will make the state's regulation

seems

Correct subject-verb agreement

seem

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like a compulsion.

Hence

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, the

effectivity

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effectiveness

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of the program is questionable.

To sum up

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, I strongly believe that military work shouldn't be required in every country since it's not everyone's enthusiasm and it makes

people

Use synonyms

feel constrained.

iamthenextawardeeSun Jan 14 2024

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task achievement

The essay does not fully answer the prompt as it leans heavily towards disagreeing without acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. In an IELTS essay, you should cover all aspects of the question.

coherence cohesion

The essay structure needs to be more balanced with clear and distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be elaborately discussed.

task achievement

Your examples are relevant but they could be developed further to strengthen your argument. Consider incorporating a wider range of examples and making sure they support your main points directly.

coherence cohesion

While some basic linking phrases are used, the overall cohesion could be improved with a better range of discourse markers and clear logical relationships between ideas.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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