IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#percentage #women #men #asian #country #test #summarise #information #features #comparisons #minutes
This
 graph elaborates
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 percentage of total drivers who got their driving license
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1980 and 2010 divided by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender. The data for women throughout the
years
 shows
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
 numbers
while
men
's had a stable increase. The thing that stands out the most is how both women and
men
 in 1980 became the least of
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 that passed the driving test where the data couldn't
suprass
Correct your spelling
surpass
suppress
 50% of the individuals. More than that, it is
also
 obvious to see that females
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely can drive than
men
.
This
 is because the topmost number
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 the
overall
 graphic in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 where it was nearly 70% of women could operate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, there was a slight decline in 2010 that
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost made the numbers hit 60%.
On the other hand
,
men
 started with the lowest number in the
overall
 chart with only almost 30% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
However
, not like how
females'
Correct article usage
the females'
show examples
 chart showed a decrease,
men
's showed an upward trend for each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
 until
finally
 being tied in the two
years
. The peak
years
 were in 2000 and 2010
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 two of them placed the highest number with nearly 50% of males certified car
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: